Categories: excursions, family, fear, our history, thinking too much

Snagged a few PTO days for the end of next week.  Convinced the hubby that we can scoop up and walk away.  Drive to some remote town within a 3 hour radius and live there for a little while.  Somewhere with a pool or a seaside.  Somewhere with walls that don’t look like the ones … Read More


Categories: fear

It was all an elaborate illusion.  Of my own making. I realize now.  It’s amazing what your mind forces you to hear and see.  So I’m clear that I owe him an apology. He’s been telling me very clearly for a long time that he wanted me to leave.  I just chose not to hear … Read More

Do it Anyway. Do it Now.

Categories: dreams, fear, growing, reminiscing

After a particularly rough weekend – emotionally… and after much consternation, I finally fell asleep tonight about 2 hours ago.  During which I dreamt.    It’s been a while since I did.   And even longer since she visited. We were back home in Queens.  The house was alight.  Buzzing with a sense of celebration.  There … Read More


Categories: esteem, fear, figuring it out

Shug: More than anything God loves admiration. Celie: You saying God is vain? Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it. Celie: You saying it just wanna be loved like it say … Read More


Categories: dreams, fear

4:18AM Been rustling for a half hour now. Feeling a disruption in the spirits tonight. Not sure what or who. But I am uncomfortable. I pray it’s nothing. Checking in on everyone in the morning light. *

Daddy’s Home!

Categories: family, fear, health, my history

My mom just gave me the call a few minutes ago telling me that they gave my Dad his discharge from the hospital. My mom sounded SO excited. Like… the way I sound when my baby comes home from somewhere far. It’s always been so vague to me about the love between them. Haitians can … Read More


Categories: family, fear, health

Ever feel the dynamic of a relationship change right before you and you didn’t do ANYTHING to make it happen? But just like, one day you woke up and everything was different… sometimes in a good way… sometimes, uncomfortably? When I think about it happening, I imagine the plates of the earth moving. It’s supposed … Read More

Two for Flinching…

Categories: change, check in, fear, news and politic

Okay, so even I was afraid to take the trains yesterday going to and coming from work. Because… this is the most consistent I’ve seen the terrorists (outside Isreal and the Middle East) in such a short period of time. I was talking with Domi at one point and he said he thought that they … Read More

Haven’t The Heart

Categories: catching up, fear, work crap

It’s been a minute since I’ve sat down to blog my thoughts. I haven’t really had a lot of personal time. I’m busy with a project that is taking the wind out of my sails, and I cannot wait for it to be over. All experience is crucial though. Because I know once a project … Read More


Categories: bad day, family, fear, figuring it out

We sat and talked at length and went about discussing what happened in the morning and our feelings and some crazy stuff was dredged up about feelings in the past about his father and the way he treated his mother. Many apologies were exchanged and we are still together… wedding is still on, but we’ll … Read More