Does anyone get saved?

Categories: bad day, caretaker

My daughter asked me if I’ll be updated ThoughtsDaughter.   I told her I would.  I wondered why she asked.   Maybe she’s been reading.  All good either way. Here’s me sticking to my promise. I was holding it together for the last… 48 hours  and the thought crossed my mind… Does anyone get saved? Will anyone … Read More

Dread. Every day.

Categories: bad day, catching up, stroke

Used to be that I dreaded the return to workday.   Whether it was the Monday after a regular weekend or the Tuesday after a long one.   The day before, right around 5PM or so, I’d get this cloud hanging over me, reminding me that the respite was over.  It was time to lend my full … Read More

A wish to be missed

Categories: bad day

It’s been a running theme in my world.   Rephrasing the reciprocity trope. I sent a message to someone at work last night right before going to sleep and then for whatever reason agonized about how I would hypothetically reply to their possible replies.  ALL. NIGHT.  Like… literally spent all night crafting the response in a … Read More

Perceived Value.

Categories: bad day, thinking too much

This reciprocity thing… Really takes me for a loop on a regular. Perception is king.  So maybe what I think, feel, say… how I hold others in whatever regard… might be my reality.   Maybe I’m lending to the narrative that I’m just a bit character in the greater scheme of their lives.  That I should … Read More

I’m failing this test…

Categories: bad day, work crap

Three years now. I’ve been stuck.  Officially stuck.  Since June 1, 2017. Everything in me wanted to see this appointment as being a hail mary.  An answered prayer.  God taking my whole situation into consideration and believing that I deserved this lifesaver.  Surely I’d drown without it. Financially. Progressively with respect to my career.  Emotionally. … Read More

Breathe in the Decay

Categories: bad day, death, what in the entire hayle

So, for me… something smells. Always. My sense of smell has been the gift and the curse for me all my life.  I’ve always joked growing up in Queens that I could smell a fire that just started in Flatbush.   And while that may not have been entirely true – I could smell a fire … Read More

Just Say It Out Loud…

Categories: bad day

In Kanye’s latest “Ye”, the first song is called “I Thought About Killing You”. In one line he said “Just say it out loud to see how it feels.  People say ‘Don’t say this. Don’t say that.’  Just say it out loud… just to see how it feels.  Weigh all the options.  Nothing is off … Read More


Categories: bad day, reminiscing

Frankly? What a shit day. Thank God for mini getaways.  Mental and otherwise. Bone tired.   Will do more this weekend.  AWF tomorrow! YES LAWD! Avery Sunshine “Sweet Afternoon”     *

Rotting on the Vine

Categories: bad day, figuring it out, why am i doing this again?, work crap

I’m not sure what I did.  Or maybe I do. I don’t want to consider it all to be punishment.  Maybe I’m being taught a lesson. But personally and professionally, I am rotting on the vine. Whatever was previously deemed interesting, exciting, brilliant, valuable, worthy is now laying unused.  Unwanted.  Untapped. Maybe in order to … Read More