Little Woman

Categories: celebrations, family, growing, health, mommy in training

Well.  It happened.   My sweet little baby girl’s body has crossed the threshold into womanhood. She got the signs of her first cycle on November 18th.  At first, she didn’t tell me anything about it.  She said she thought it was some weirdness that would pass and she washed out her panties and tried to … Read More


Categories: esteem, mommy in training, my history

Somethings, you just can’t get away from. In the summer of 1974, my father’s sister, Yvonne, came to stay in NY with her baby brother and relatively still new wife who was expecting their second child. Yvonne was a statuesque vision: as tall as my dad (6’5″) blonde hair, skin fairer than mine and blue … Read More

An Accounting of My Time

Categories: mommy in training, my history

No… this isn’t a post explaining why it’s been over a month since I posted…  we’ll get to that later.   Mommy? What was it like when you were my age? Mommy?  Did you have a dance class at my age? Mommy?  What did you do when you went to Paris the first time at … Read More

First Unborn.

Categories: family, mommy in training, my history, recovering, reminiscing

Dear Son, I’m not sure if I’ve done you the proper honor in remembering you the way you deserve. It’s not theoretically hard to do.  I recall everything like it was yesterday.  It’s been emotionally hard to do.   Your memory is that soft spot on the peach… that if you poke too hard, you’ll … Read More

Tiny Counselor

Categories: figuring it out, growing, mommy in training

Our conversation last night before our bedtime story. Me: Can I ask you a favor? Tiny Counselor: Sure, Mommy! Me: Can I have a bunch of hugs from you? TC: Sure! Are you okay? Me:  Yeah… I’m pretty sad today. TC: WHY  Mommy??  You can tell me the truth. Me:  *thinking about the right thing … Read More


Categories: growing, mommy in training

Laying here in the darkness, slightly wavy from the effects of the Russian Standard… I think upon what I just saw. Before getting into the shower tonight I stopped to inspect the contents of the bathroom mirror. There stood a nearly 43 year old woman. I can’t even say a version of what I have … Read More


Categories: bad day, health, mommy in training, numb, why am i doing this again?

fibrous tissue growth: a benign growth composed of fibrous and muscle tissue, especially one that develops in the wall of the womb and is associated with painful and excessive menstrual flow. Fibroids can be removed surgically and are not life-threatening, but fibroids in the womb reduce the chance of pregnancy. I have 2. One is … Read More

My Child

Categories: dreams, mommy in training

If I could find the place where truth exists, I would stand there and whisper memories of my children’s future. – Saul Williams Last night a dream quietly spoke a wish to the winds of reality. I dreamt of my child. My baby girl child, again. I was birthing her and got to know her … Read More