Dread. Every day.

Categories: bad day, catching up, stroke

Used to be that I dreaded the return to workday.   Whether it was the Monday after a regular weekend or the Tuesday after a long one.   The day before, right around 5PM or so, I’d get this cloud hanging over me, reminding me that the respite was over.  It was time to lend my full … Read More


Categories: check in

A tough couple of days.  Weeks… Months… So – since our “vacation” to Mexico – I’ve been in a serious slump.  Like seriously depressed.   The vacation was supposed to be a reprieve from the everyday that was already dragging me down.  Our trip was supposed to rejuvenate me and give me the energy that I … Read More


Categories: excursions, family, fear, our history, thinking too much

Snagged a few PTO days for the end of next week.  Convinced the hubby that we can scoop up and walk away.  Drive to some remote town within a 3 hour radius and live there for a little while.  Somewhere with a pool or a seaside.  Somewhere with walls that don’t look like the ones … Read More

Not ok.

Categories: check in

Told the future I was ready.   Universe told me to sit my ass down. This is it.   Must start blogging more – I think this has been THE most sparse year.  I’m withdrawing. Mom would be proud.   *

Please, love me. Please, want me.

Categories: check in

It doesn’t make sense to beg for these things. If someone doesn’t want to… If they aren’t naturally inclined to…. or inspired to… what’s the sense of begging for it… bribing them… cajoling or convincing? That’s just more proof in the pudding that they don’t want it THAT bad. Friends, lovers, jobs, whatever. It. Is. … Read More


Categories: growing

Strange year, 2020. Grateful to have had a long pause.   Hate the reason why. Happy to have spent so much up close and personal time with my beautiful budding baby girl. Happy to have dedicated time to starting my own venture – even if I’m still not 1000% clear on the direction. Happy to have … Read More

It DOES Hurt…

Categories: change, numb, our history

This afternoon I became aware of a meeting that popped up on my agenda.   That’s not unusual.  People throw things on each other’s calendars at this company like it’s a dartboard competition.  But this one seemed eerily important.  Firstly, it was being convened by the parent company (not just my brand). Secondly, there was something … Read More

Misinterpreting the Universe

Categories: check in

Got the urge to watch my favorite scene from West Side Story last night… the one where two star crossed lovers notice each other across the room and float to one another.  The world fades in the distance, mere water colored shadows drifting by while these two confirm what they knew….  this moment was unlike … Read More

A wish to be missed

Categories: bad day

It’s been a running theme in my world.   Rephrasing the reciprocity trope. I sent a message to someone at work last night right before going to sleep and then for whatever reason agonized about how I would hypothetically reply to their possible replies.  ALL. NIGHT.  Like… literally spent all night crafting the response in a … Read More