Too Hot for FB

Hi, FB Fam…. we need to talk.

Without getting too technical… we need some space…
But here’s the technical of it, because I know you just said “Why???”

I’ve been journaling since I was about 10 years old. Writing poems. Putting down my personal thoughts. Writing out the going ons of my life since then has always been a freeing experience. Literally. It frees up space in my head for new thoughts to form or for old torturous thoughts to be expelled. It got harder to journal growing older because having all the thoughts in one place, in one notebook… and god forbid I left it somewhere when something amazing would happen. I might forget to write it down at all. LOL

Along came blogging.

I logged my first blog in 2000 via Blogger.com (i’ve since moved to WordPress) which was all the rage back then. And the freedom to blog from any computer at anytime… even from my phone… was intoxicating! I sometimes would blog 3 and 4 times a day. Just to put my thoughts down. I became a “Blogger”. Telling the universe my thoughts and recounting the wild tales of my then youth. I had followers for my blog of similar places in their lives and we exchanged commentary on our crazy stories. Then something crazy happened. I started to grow up. I got engaged. I got married. I lost my parents. I started planning a family. And through all of that, the expectations of what I “should” write, changed.

I found myself censoring and rewriting and blog editing and finding the process of blogging LESS cathartic than it had always been. I was editing out because of who was looking. So I started blogging less. And folks started following less and that was fine too because I wasn’t saying anything amazing or profound or even interesting.

Then came Facebook and it’s “Notes” functionality which I used primarily to post my crazy FB questionnaires “21 Truths” “Fill in the Answer” type quizzes and what not. And I discovered a functionality to pull my blog into the Notes section through RSS. (technical) But basically when I post to my regular blog at thoughtsdaughter, a mirror of it will appear in my Facebook Notes. I thought, this might be a way to start blogging again and more regularly. Killing 2 birds with one stone – writing in my life journal and keeping my friends updated on FB.

Although it’s had a great effect of reaching people I’d not spoken to in ages and brought them up to speed in life and garnered an amazing amount of support from people during my rough spots and trial times, there were the subtle murmurs from folks who felt I was “living too publicly” or wishing I’d choose my subjects “more carefully” or generally censor myself. MORE.

The fact of the matter is, despite what any preconceived notions of me are that are or might be floating around – I’m human. I’m my very own kind of human. I have really bad days where I don’t WANT to be positive. I have arguments with my husband and there are days I wish I was single. I have long stretches of time where I feel getting married was the very best thing I could have done in my life and the man I chose was exactly right. I have days where I feel that none of my dreams can come true and days where I’m invincible. I curse profoundly. I watch risque programming and find things very interesting (funny, mostly) and like to comment on it. I’m very much a Lady in the street and will be an excellent role model for my children one day. But sometimes I write about things that might color that Lady in a very Pleasantville kind of way. And that’s okay. I have to allow myself to be myself and be okay with who I am. And NOT censor. Or over edit. Or tailor the story of my life to the likings of others. I am no saint. And my marriage / relationship with Earl is no bastion of black love outside of the fact that we’ll always fight to stay together – not because we never have a hiccup or a problem and live in some flawless bubble.

I won’t take the RSS feed off of FB. That’s too harsh. However, I have created a category called TooHotforFB (*chuckle*) that will NOT be posted on the RSS. You’ll only be able to read it from my web page. But I think it’s a good compromise. A compromise for me to remain in touch with you. And better yet… to remain in touch with myself.

So, we’re not breaking up FB… We’re just giving each other the space we need to make sure we can stay together  You have the option of reading me uncensored at my blog… or stay and read here, as I’m not in the business of disillusionment. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss – who am I to shake that up?

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