I don’t know if I’m expecting too much. But it seems as of late… it’s alright for me to have second best. I don’t know why that is. I’m not flashy or glitzy. But I do envy when my friends get beautiful watches, or coats, or boots or jewelry. I get none of that. I never really asked for it. I thought that NOT asking would be … a PERK in dating me. I’m low maintenance. But when I point out mess ups… I’m made to feel bad about bringing it up. “I wouldn’t do that to you if you messed up.” (trying to count in my head how many visible times that’s been).
I wonder if i just clam up and be happy that I have someone who’s willing to do everything for me and loves me to no end and stay mundane and monotone. Or… do I venture out and see what life can be like elsewhere? I have a quote on my desk that says… “Don’t spoil what you have today by wishing for things that you have not. Remember that what you now have were things once hoped for” Which is true. I did wish once upon a time for gentle, sensistive, caring, loving, thoughtful, faithfulness. I got exactly what I wanted. But I did leave a few things out. Is that my fault to now live with out them? I can make myself ready to do that. I just wonder…
is that what i’m SUPPOSED to do?*