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Constant Conversation

I’m having a neverending discussion with God.  I’m always talking to Him.  I always have been.  He doesn’t always feel the need to respond which is okay and I realize He’s terribly busy.   And I think it’s quite possible that I’ve lessened how often I talk now — well, because I’ve done that on ... Read More »

Piece of a dream

Just woke up from a brief nap and had the most insane dream.nbsp; There was a lot more to it but I don’t remember it all. Earl was back from his trip.nbsp; This trip was a hunting expedition of some kind. And on the trip he nabbed a small tiger.nbsp; We were in a hotel ... Read More »

what about love

i signed on to someone’s wedding website tonight.   the familiar tones of the damage control tape from the space shuttle Challenger played then B’s voice comes in You’re love is bright as ever Even in the shadows Oh baby kiss me…. Before they turn the lights out. Their pictures scrolled across the screen.  Carefully ... Read More »

more of the same

quiet again tonight.  theens had a nap from 5-7 that had me putting her down at 10.  Just the worst use of my time.  But i don’t know how many times I can stress to my MIL that letting her nap late or not nap at all and crash early is just setting me up ... Read More »

it will end up badly

just because that’s what on my heart right now.   it will not be the story book.   it will be a nightmare.  or it will be the stuff of tabloids.   this whole thing was a waste.  i hope i do better next time.     Read More »

In My Solitude

In My Solitude

E leaves for his much anticipated much planned for and long awaited Inaugural College Tour that he’s planned and pieced together virtually by himself. So from now until Saturday – he’ll be on the road changing these young people’s lives.  He’s so excited – like a giddy little kid who’s scheduled to be on the ... Read More »

Loving you is complicated…

Loving you is complicated…

It’s been quiet in my world.  This is something I’m getting used to.  If I’m not being bombarded on texts or emails full of things people want from me…. well… it’s quiet.  It’s bothering me a lot this week.  I could use someone to just chat with.  Or hang out with and have nothing important ... Read More »

Yearn for Serenity

Today is another day already.  On the dawn I can hear it…. the multiple requests of things people need from me.  Things people want from me.  But I just want silence.  Just a week or two.  True silence.  Waking up to nothing.  Not a to-do list.  Not an impending deadline.  No barrels hovering over head. ... Read More »

I know you’re here…

and I’ll be back.  I lost the ability to speak what was on my mind.   But it’s coming back to me now.  slowly… differently. I’ll be back. Read More »

My friend is gone.

My friend is gone.

2014 has been a year of me trying to figure it out on my own a lot.  Being stripped of a lot of mainstay friendships has been part of that.  This is one that I was NOT ready for. On my way to work one morning I see Darrius calling.  Well… I know 2 things ... Read More »

One Month LapBandiversary!

Today makes 1 month since I had Peachez installed.  (It’s a working name… It may change) and I can’t say I have any regrets.  I’m down 25 lbs since then, have been working out pretty diligently ever since (despite my achilles injury ). The thing that has impressed me the most about my progress is that I feel ... Read More »

So… I CAN eat like pre-op… but I WON’T…

So… I CAN eat like pre-op… but I WON’T…

Life’s pace has definitely picked up with being back and work and all. The challenges of time have definitely been affecting me. Especially – time to eat right, time to make good decisions and time to log what’s been going on. I promised myself that I’d blog to keep up with my progress and empty ... Read More »

Fitbits, Cookouts and Auntie Visits (Days 8 & 9)

Going good since the doctor’s visit.  I’ve decided to go the liquid protein route for at least a week before incorporating some soft foods.  So I have vats of this protein powder that I had been using at the beginning of last year that was really good.  Low carb, low fat, high protein and when I was using ... Read More »

“Wait… I thought you were a Sleeve Patient” (Days 6 & 7)

“Wait… I thought you were a Sleeve Patient” (Days 6 & 7)

Day 6 was the return to work.  Which was good and bad.  Good because I have an office that I can’t readily see everyone so when they’re chowing down out there I’m oblivious.  Bad because I work in entertainment and entertainment people are ALWAYS. EATING.   So there’s always yummy food just around the corner.  Of course on the day ... Read More »

The Gauntlet (Day 5)

The Gauntlet (Day 5)

What I’ve been reading on most of these boards is that Day 3 after the surgery is usually the worst.   The swelling begins to subside and your stomach starts to function as it did in terms of hunger.  But all you’re shoveling into it is clear liquid.   Well…  Day 3 managed to get by me.  I discovered clear ... Read More »

Don’t Fart… (Day 4)

Don’t Fart… (Day 4)

Well… I should have been paying closer attention to all the messages on the Bariatric Pal board that say “liquid in, liquid out”. I have nothing binding me and it should have made sense that air alone could not pass from within. And so out of laziness because I had found a comfortable spot on ... Read More »

Creative Ways of Bending

Creative Ways of Bending

So the one thing I’ve had to learn as I recover from surgery is that even though they tell you that you have to take it easy and not do A LOT of the things that you’re used to doing, there are some things you kind of have to figure out for yourself.  Like if you ... Read More »

4.0

Sitting here in the waiting room at the hospital.nbsp; Starving.nbsp; But it’s just so pronounced today. Probably because I realize that there won’t soon be that familiar safety net… that comfort waiting for me on the other side. This won’t be over and then I can go stuff my face later out drown my fears ... Read More »

The (Un)ceremonious Goodbye…

The (Un)ceremonious Goodbye…

Just like that… I’m days away from being nothing like I’ve been for 40 years.  A world of things have converged on a single point to make it so that I have to abandon all that I’ve done, been, believed in and pursued… all at once.   If I want to make it down the ... Read More »

The Real Reason I’ve Been Mad at Phyllis Hyman All These Years

The Real Reason I’ve Been Mad at Phyllis Hyman All These Years

Cause there’s a “real” reason… In January of 1994, I was attending a Black Students Leadership Conference in Williamsburg, Virginia.  It was a glittering assemblage of young black people from all over the world coming to share thoughts and be brilliant together.  I was honored to partake in that meeting of minds and excited at the ... Read More »

Glee

Glee

Strange dreams last night… After a SLAMMIN dinner cooked by the hubby, I sat back  in the couch prepared to relax when a sharp pain above and behind my left eye started me down a path of feeling sick for the night.   I said at that point I’d take Athena into her room and ... Read More »

Down on me

Down on me

I’ve been extremely silent lately.  And usually for me silence is coupled with sadness.  Usually because there’s enough silence for me to hear my own thoughts and that just depresses the hell out of me. I remember when Dr. Van Harte gave me my first exercise to do when she was counseling me in college. ... Read More »

Looking back at me

(in today’s culture, there’s about 12 different ways this title can be taken… I mean it in the most innocent of those ways.) I’m at the airport now getting ready for venture off to Florida and attend a conference for work. Up until last night, I was looking forward to it. I really wanted a ... Read More »

Quiet (Yeah, right).

Quiet (Yeah, right).

Well, it goes without saying much that I’ve been terrible at blogging this year.   There’s been so much going on… there always is.   But there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think that it is absolutely necessary to document it all.  I’ve got a million logs in my head.   ... Read More »

Forget me not.

Forget me not.

I am always reviewing my past.  My forward progress and missteps.  Things I said and things I could have done differently.  Making sure I didn’t miss out on lessons that could have been learned. And some how in reaching back I always touch on some sore points.   Places that, if I do visit them, ... Read More »