An Awkward Situation…...

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So Quiet… So simple...

I’m home. I’m safe. I’m loved. Home is clean. Personal effects that I’ve had a lot of love for for a long time are restored and in my home. My husband is breathing deeply as he sleeps off our 3 year anniversary dinner. I love his skin. I love his mind. I love his eyes. He loves me infinitely. I adore him. I dote on him. He’s still uncomfortable with me staring at him, but I can’t help it. I’m in awe. I didn’t know this kind of love was possible. I live in anticipation of the love and life we’ll create together...

Cry Baby...

Greene Light Photography - Hayden Greene So the latest in Victoria fashion is that I seem to cry alot at baby stories. I watched a few shows of that nature last night with the hubby and ended up bawling every time a baby made it into the world. Used to be something that was so far fetched for me… the idea of giving birth. But it’s become more and more real as of late that the possibility of doing it all makes me feel… empathetic to what the women on the screen are experiencing. More and more though, I know I’d like to have a midwife and a home birth....

Fight Alone...

They’re all going to frown at you… they’re all going to frown at you… Brows furrowed and arms crossed. Fuming at you for wrongs not personally done to them But it’s their job. I’m standing very alone in a situation that calls for backup. But I don’t have much anymore these days. Just my own heart and mind telling me I can stand strong and be strong. And may be that’s all I need. I need to assert myself against a claim formerly made by Cary that I was not the stuff of marriage material. I AM… I can be. I’m always...

Laws of Attraction...

Amidst last night’s tossing and turning, and obviously, ending up in a very bad position that has my arm feeling like I popped my shoulder out of my rotator cuff i experienced a pretty strange, vivid dream. Thankfully it wasn’t the kind that I’ve been used to lately. There was some kind of a crisis outside of a friends building – there was a rally of police cars, fire trucks… something was going down and I happened to be there at my friends house for a get together. When everything died down, we went back upstairs to the apartment party where...

Okay, Enough Already...

I’ve been keeping so much bottled in because I can’t stand the thought of it “getting out”… But you know what – I started this blogging experience way long ago when it was called journaling and i had a paper and pen (found ALL my journals in the excavation of my parent’s old apartment – even from elementary school). Fine – back then there wasn’t a “world audience” – but I truly believe there isn’t one here either. I’m writing to the universe and whoever else would like to chime in. ...

Dead To Us...

Happy New Year, everyone… as is customary, the only thing that can seem to shake me out of my silent streak is a particularly harrowing dream that requires documentation. I haven’t blogged as of recent because keeping busy had kept my mind from exploding. I fear sitting still too long will force all that has happened in the last three years and three weeks to come slamming to the front of my life’s car as if I hit the breaks. I can’t afford to have that happen, so I apply steady pressure to the accelerator. Sometimes, you miss the sign that says “BUMP”…. Again...

Homegoing...

I haven’t posted in a little while – there’s been so much going on. I started today’s post with the intention of documenting this CRAZY dream I had last night. The longer I’m awake though – the less of it I remember – but it was along the lines of this. I was supposed to drive somewhere. But I really was in NO condition to drive. I was either DUMB tired or really drunk. I obviously fell asleep at some point but had the wherewithall to pull the car over to sleep. It took me a second to regain focus in the dream upon waking up but...

My Favorite Remakes...

Yaaay – I’m Oprah status with my favorite things. I guess I can do a little something every day (c’mon son… you know I’m not on here every day LOL) But I’ll try. I’ll start with my favorite musical remakes of all time. No profound commentary – I like songs that take the original and flip it on it’s ear and make you look at it in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIGHT. I really mean it. But somehow maintain all the purest elements of the song. Musicians are genius! I threw in the Estelle song as a bonus. I can’t hear the...

Designed to Change...

Everytime I find the meaning of Life, they change it - Unknown Luckily for us, Humans are designed to change. It’s through change that we grow and evolve and become better (and sometimes worse). But to expect that we’ll always stay the same is a fallacy. Even the most stubborn, non-changinist person in the world is changing every day (and I am calling ONE person into my mind that I know…) and how does he change? By becoming more stubborn and more entrenched in his old ways than ever. That’s still change though. Last year about this time… I...