The Vixen Phallacy

On the train this morning I chose to stand, as normal and read all the various ads, examine them for content and design and strength of message (I think I would have done well at an ad agency – I’m a big fan of getting a message across). On the last 2 trains I boarded today I was face to face with an ad for this book:


I stared at it for a while, just to see what she was peddling. Last time I heard her make an uproar in the press, it was for selling a book detailing every celebrity’s cash and prizes she’d stuck in her mouth. She even went so far to do it on screen to Mr. Marcus for the world to see. (I saw it, and quite honestly? I thought they should revoke her “Super” hero status… she ain’t do nothing special). The last video I saw of her was a rant after the guy from “Family Matters” (the older brother) dumped her so she went through a bag of their shared toys complete with benoit balls and butt pluggs, outing his enjoyment of things going in through the out door.

And now she has a book that claims to show us women (and maybe men, whatever floats your boat) “how to find, seduce and keep the man you want”.

I read the line over and over again. And looked up at her picture…. and read the line again. And referenced all that I knew about her… and read the line again. Okay. Taking into account everything that I just said about her, i focused on the picture.

Assuming that the picture is actually the real position that it was taken in and not transformed or reflected on a horizontal plane to make right left and left right (designers and photo editors feel me) then we have to extrapolate that her left hand is being prominently displayed on the cover. Let’s take a closer look…


There’s something missing from this picture to make her book’s tagline altogether believable. She’s going to tell me how to find, seduce and keep the man I want but there’s not even a TAN line on that ring finger. Not a trace that any man she found and seduced had decided to stick around long enough. But I feel like a million women are really going to trust her to know what to do to get someone to love them. Whatever happened for checking the fruit on the tree before asking someone for advice? Don’t ask someone who’s in a failing relationship how to save yours. Don’t ask a broke compulsive gambler how to win in the stock market. Don’t ask someone who’s morbidly obese and wants to do nothing about it how to get thin. And to this we add… don’t ask a whore how to be an honest woman.

I wonder if she’ll take her own advice one day and actually get someone to stick around. Or might the next book be about How to properly use your Rebound Guy; or How to get his stuff out of your house; or How to make it with his friends so that you get him jealous.



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