It doesn’t make sense to beg for these things. If someone doesn’t want to… If they aren’t naturally inclined to…. or inspired to… what’s the sense of begging for it… bribing them… cajoling or convincing? That’s just more proof in the pudding that they don’t want it THAT bad. Friends, lovers, jobs, whatever. It. Is. … Read More
Got the urge to watch my favorite scene from West Side Story last night… the one where two star crossed lovers notice each other across the room and float to one another. The world fades in the distance, mere water colored shadows drifting by while these two confirm what they knew…. this moment was unlike … Read More
I’m a normally twitchy person. When I hear loud thuds in the house (any house I live in) I react like a first responder. I hop up and investigate. Did something fall? Did something fall ON someone? Did SOMEONE fall? Are they okay? Any bruises, bumps, cuts, concussions? Behaving this way often has me yelling … Read More
I want to embrace this energy. I know that change is hard and scary and daunting and necessary. Never has it really ever been fun (the process of change). But it can lead to fun… innovation… newness… a fresh take. In the process though, things suck. I’ve not had an appetite as of late but … Read More
I have a vivid memory. Just before I stopped dating anymore, I dated one last person. I invested a lot into him which is strange because I wasn’t really attracted to him at first. But then he expressed an interest in me and you all know that is the secret formula for me. If you … Read More
This post is an assignment from my therapist. She asked me to take a few moments to sit and think about what I want. The ask is lofty. I want so much. But I’ll attempt a bullet point the things that matter the most. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin I want … Read More
“I tried to change.Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake.Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word.” – Warsan Shire I’ve been looking for something. A sign. Some direction. A treasure map. Invisible ink. Writings on walls. I’ve been playing … Read More
A disturbing dream last night. I was living in a housing arrangement where I was a house slave. The overseer was my dad do he didn’t make me do much in the way of work because he spoiled me and doted on me. But he was strict with the other slaves and treated them as … Read More
There were whole factions of people that I used to hang my life on. I’d speak to them daily. Never a week would go by where I wouldn’t reach out to them. They were active, turning cogs in the machine of my life. Few decisions were made without consultation with them and free time was … Read More
Some advice you never forget. Even moreso if the quality of the person giving is extraordinary. I love my chapter. I’m grateful to have found it and be a part of it since 2001. Early on I noticed a constantly moving earth beneath my feet when it came to being a longstanding member of a … Read More