I’ve been here before. I think before it’s all over I’ll be here many times more. The precipice of not knowing and wondering what if. The list of promises that bargain for another chance.
I won’t do that today.
I will say…. no matter the outcome, I will stop treating myself or my life like this thing to be… preserved. Kept clean and free from contamination. To be experienced at a distance. An observer to my own existence.
No matter what, I will immerse fully. Experience wholly. Get dirty. Get hurt. Be healed. Move on. Climb. Quit. Rejoin. Take the time. Feel the urgency. Feel my own presence. Indulge in the flesh. Pray for the ethereal. Exhaust. This. Body.
Be thoroughly used. Leave nothing for anyone else. All of this here? Was reserved for Me.
And I want it all. No matter what.