A Sense of Urgency

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A Sense of Urgency

I seem to be the only one operating with any and it's making me antsy. I look at the calendar and see that my wedding day is 11 days away and I start to freak out a little bit at the extent to which shit is not done. No programs, no place cards, no veil, no dye for my shoes, no finality on my guest list, no apartment. The unpreparedness is creeping in and i'm not sure how to plug up the holes. Nothing on the periphery is turning out how it should. At this late date when i've become callous to the "No's" I've gotten, a few more came in the 11th hour that did evoke some tears. Namely my dad. His cousin Gabriel (I got that one today), my mom gave me the the show goes on with or without her speech… So she's even a tentative.

I'm so grateful for my friends and sisters, though. They really are treating this like it's a big important day and doing all in their power to keep me happy and feeling like a princess. I just wish this day wasn't laden with so much pain and suffering. I wonder if i'll remember any of it 10 years from now. I hope not.

My photographer sent me a link to his blog and his gorgeous montage of our journey. And despite the lyrics of that, a very favorite song off of John Legend's 2nd album, it was sweet, endearing and beautiful. There were pics of me and my daddy in there *chokes up* he doesn't even look like that anymore.

I beat myself up last night about waiting to be 32 to get married. How if I had gotten married at 25, more people (family wise) would have come, some folks would be well / alive still. Maybe more of my family would be allowed to be excited.

But then… I wouldn't have chosen the right guy. Or been the woman that I am today.



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