The Masses

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The Masses

I just had an epiphany today and really, it’s one that would have made sense to have YEARS ago. But I guess somethings take 30-something years to not only realize… But accept. Today’s epiphany is:


And like… The “can’t” in that is absolute. So it’s not “If you try reeeallly hard you might just please everyone” or “On certain Mondays, pleasing everyone is a possibility”. NO. NOT EVERYONE – EVER. I have friends around me still trying and to some extent, physically I was.

I believed that if I slimmed down to a certain weight or dressed a certain way that quite possibly EVERYONE would find me attractive and thus make ME happy with my self. But at the weight and style that I embody now, some people find me impossibly hot (and GOD BLESS THEM), to some eh, at least i’m not an eyesore or too hard on the eyes. And still to others, they are disgusted by me and my body and style. And as I change so do people’s perception of me based on their own experiences. Some people think this new fad of wearing cut off shirts when you have somewhat of a pendulous belly is attractive (i am most certainly NOT one of them). But so many women do it… SOMEBODY has to like that shit.

today, I had on an outfit – fitted tee, jean capris, my little indian flat flip flops, hair pulled back – real laid back for me and perhaps a look that I may not have rocked before I lost the initial 20lbs (ie the fitted tee). But some folks literally broke their necks to look at me… I even got a “you look HOT baby”. And some folks did their general ignoring of me or maybe even the occasional sneer which made me tug @ my shirt or adjust the twins at the next reflective window. But as the day wore on I realized that was more of the engrained mores that I’ve adopted since gaining the weight…. since going through puberty… since realizing that anyone was looking at me.

But you know .. I’m quite content with being fabulous for the folks that just like … me. Big me. Small me. Super-flashy-divaesque me. Laid-back-super-casual-dressed-like-a-boy me. There are people (and they don’t always have to be the same) that find me beautiful at every stage. But most of all I’m so excited that it’s finally ME that loves me at all of them. Yes… a little pot in my belly, a waddle or two – but some legs that can kill and eyes that hypnotize and a big em-effin heart.

I got it goin on!



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