Here it is… the final stretch as they say. And when I thought I couldn’t be anymore humbled… I am bereft of the words that can explain all that’s going on.
When i lie in bed at night getting ready to sleep and rejuvenate… this little one rolls around and animates my tummy… and it literally tickles to the point where I laugh out loud – to my self… by myself. And as I listen to the echo of my laughter fade away into the silence, I think about WHY I’m laughing and then I’m figuratively tickled… I have a little baby inside of me…. I do… one that looks like she’ll make it out of there … healthy enough for me to feel her movements and little limbs stretching and tickling my lower belly… healthy enough for me to observe the quiet rhythmic jump of her having hiccups in my womb and every time I sit and think long enough about it… I’m reminded… There’s a little baby inside…. OF ME…. My baby. Finally. What a wondrous miracle. What amazing blessings God is capable of. And usually as I quietly entertain the fears that normally take over anyone in my position – I pray that I’m ready… I don’t have all the elders to ask the questions to that raised me, how will i know what to do… i hope that all that I’ve done and eaten in the last 7 months has allowed her to grow healthy and progressively and I’ve not done something to harm her… Am I too old for all of this… it’s all washed away by the amazing humility once she moves. Or kicks. or thumps. And I know it’s not a lot… but right now? It’s everything to me. She is everything to me. Everything else I’ve ever striven to accomplish or complete hasn’t had near the significance of these months.
Still so much preparation to complete. Is anyone ever truly completely ready for a little baby to come into their lives? I just trust and pray that I have all the internal tools ready so that they will manifest into anything she needs at all.
28 weeks… and counting.