Trade Off.

I had a seriously strange dream last night.  I don’t remember a lot of the details, but the gist of it was this.  I was given the choice to exchange pieces of my life time for a chance to bring back my deceased loved ones for that period of time.  So – if I gave up one day off of how long I was going to live, I’d get to see my grandma alive again in this instance for 24 hours.  More time given up… more time to spend with that loved one.   In the dream, I deliberated it for a very long time.  There were so many factors that I needed answered:  Would the person be in the same health as they were before their demise?  Would this be a wrenching of their soul out of heaven?  I weighed options for so long in the dream having just given birth to my little one… thinking – the time I’m taking away from her having me as her mom on this earth… but… she’d get to know and see her grandmother…  It was such a huge conundrum because I know at the end of the day it will NEVER BE ENOUGH.  And I’ll experience the loss all over again when she has to go.  The first time around I know – even KNOWING the end is coming doesn’t cushion the blow.  And now… so will my daughter – because I know she’d LOVE my mom… there’s no question.  But at the end of the dream… my mom was there.  I don’t know how much time i gave up, but i fear it was a LOT.

The dream kept me tossing and turning all night long as my heart who longs to see my mom again wrestled with my mind that knows it’s best not to unearth the dead… literally.  So I asked the question on Facebook to see what others think.  I’m sure some movie house will steal the idea for a movie down the line – they always pick at my brain for the best ideas *snickers*  But it was such an interesting situation… because I always say I’d give anything to see my mom again…  But would I?

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