What a lofty ideal to manage. Loosely grounded in fact and experience, we form expectations from a cause & effect model. But there is an unknown variable in there. Something that makes any result ONLY a possibility and not a certainty. For example “If I work hard for long enough, then I will have some measure of success” – in a perfect world this statement works fine. But it’s contingent on what you do, who you do it for, what THEIR assessment of working hard is, what YOUR perception of success is and so forth. “If I have unprotected sex, then I should expect to become pregnant…” right – unless you are infertile or have a problematic womb or his sperm count is low or you missed the prime time in that month.
My husband has been tireless in the work he does for his fraternity. When I met him, he had just had major surgery on his knee (ACL) and was hobbling about on crutches. He would get on the LIRR (he was sans car at the time) and troop to Old Westbury from Brooklyn by himself and hold informationals and interest meetings. He would take the train wherever he needed to in order to deliver tickets to someone for an event that his chapter was hosting or support any and everyone’s event as an ambassador for his chapter. He would run committees on his own and work them to completion. His work ethic makes me think “well, what the hell am I doing??” He sets the standard bar that scares most people away because God forbid someone expects them to maintain that level of excellence. The one wish he had since those days on the crutches was to ascend to a position of leadership. Since he’s been an example… Why not lead by it? One would almost EXPECT that it would be the natural turn of events.
Well… He is president of his chapter. But to paraphrase Diddy “Mo’ power, mo’ problems”. One might expect a supported tenure filled with nurturing leadership skills, recognizing achievements made on his own and constructive, personality building feedback on things done right and wrong.
I, from all this distance away, have never witnessed so much backstabbing, underhanded, deceitful, un-brotherly, catty, inconsistent and plain old SHITTY ways in my entire life. But I’m beginning to learn that it’s the norm for this silly game of politics people play to hold power in something that usually means nothing to them but a footnote on their CV. But the ones that have it in their hearts and want to work SO hard and make a difference are vilified, crucified and excommunicated from what they love doing.
I am praying that my perception is a hasty one. But 13 years in my own politic driven circle and 10 years of observing my husband in his…