Visions & Nightmares
Last night was chock full of them for both my husband and I. His was his usual haunt by his father from the time that he literally intended to beat him to death. Mine with the remnants of my father’s memory haunting. I keep seeing him in my dreams just like nothing happened beyond mid-last year. And in the dreams I always feel myself thinking… WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? Shouldn’t we call the cemetery or the funeral home to find out what happened to make you be here right now? But in the dream, I never verbalize it because everyone else seems normal and my mom is on cloud nine, of course. Who am I to ruin that?
Mom was telling me that she’s been having visions of him in the suit they buried him in just hovering over her… Silent. Staring. I figure it’s the way that she remembers him most vividly in the last days, sitting at his bedside while he slept or ignored her. The visions she has of Grandpa are animated and he is talkative…. But that is probably because her final memories of him are such. I haven’t seen Granny in a minute though. She might be all settled in where she is and doesn’t need to visit anymore. I, however, haven’t ever settled into the idea of her being gone.
Life has to move on, though. With or without your adapted comfort level.