Sometimes… I just can’t blog… But need to. Sometimes I end up writing in code because certain things shouldn’t be put out there for public consumption. Either because i’m bound to a confidentiality. Or i’m aware that my job colleagues might be reading. Sometimes because I don’t want to debunk the established thoughts one might have of someone they might roam in similar circles with. This is not an old practice for me.
While unpacking the contents of 32 years jammed up in my room back at mom’s, I found a journal from High School. (one day I’ll transcribe all my journals) . It’s funny to be able to look back 15 years to the day and see what you were up to. On that particular day, I was complaining about the hasty decision I’d made to give my virginity away to my boyfriend at the time. Making it sound like I ever enjoyed sex with him. Lies. I never really did. I just did it all under the auspice of “this is what people who love each other do for each other”. But I wrote it in such a way that I could decipher, 15 years later, where the lies were.
I have no way of drawing pretty verbal mazes around what I’m currently experiencing. There’s too much and it’s too sensitive. But I needed to blog.