Admit my Quit

Categories: figuring it out, growing, why am i doing this again?

So I went to a Platinum Banquet to see Jenny be honored for her achievement in becoming a Platinum Direct in the BWW system. Proud of her, as we were running along side each other once but I backed out and she stayed the course. Before I left the business, I had sponsored someone who stayed in after I left. She then became personally sponsored by the people who sponsored me. Ironically, she also went Platinum and was being honored at this same event. For those unfamiliar with the structure or the workings of these kind of businesses, when you finally reach a level where they allow you to tell your story of how you get there, you briefly touch upon the trials it took to get there and what your plans are for the future. It’s even better if your sponsor skipped out on you (the story, that is…not that experience). So I expected MA’s story to include the fact that I left. Knowing that she’d be speaking, I decided to show up a little later so that I could allow her to say whatever she needed to say in order to make her success as sweet as it needed to be without having to alter her speech because I was in the audience. I showed up about an hour or two after the event started. Walked into the lobby which was decorated with the pictures of all the honorees and a little bit about them and about their story. I saw Jen’s and then walked over to MA’s. Just curious to see what she wrote. And there it was in the FIRST sentence of her story: “After a 1 & 1/2 years in the business, my sponsor, Victoria Cantave, quit and I became personally sponsored by….”

WHOA…. Never before this time had I seen my name and the word “quit” in the same sentence. I guess I had fooled myself into believing that I was different because I had a talk with MA before I left and told her I wasn’t coming back… but.. I was probably saying that to myself to feel better about it. I did quit. I wasn’t coming back. I wasn’t going to stay the course. The reasons for that are my own and they’re good for me, but will never be good enough for her or the likes of that team, and I have to accept that. I went into the banquet smiling and hugging all the faces I hadn’t seen in ages… little babies that were just born when I was in the business were full grown little boys and girls… a LOT of time had gone by. Completely without me noticing. It was a very strange night for me. There was a part of me that was so glad and honored that the bigger pins with whom I’d spent some time with remembered me… things about me… asked me how I’m doing… and gently offered that it’s never to late to come back. And that same part of me wanted to very much. But then there was the other part of me that has learned to speak MUCH louder these days about the things that have hurt me in the past… and how I shouldn’t soon forget those things, no matter how mushy and wonderful being remembered at all made me feel.

On the bright side, my hunny came to my rescue… He found a way to attend and promised to be by my side. And no matter what the folks going on stage were saying… he made our future sound brighter and more beautiful than anything that money could ever buy. I LOVE how much faith he has in us… in me. He’s my Superman. *sigh* And then my Sands, Vernie was right there holding my hand. It was a tough night and I wouldn’t have been able to handle it so graciously, smiling the whole way, if she hadn’t been right there with me. I know you’re reading this too, Vernie-ern… I LOVE YOU, MAN! I’m really blessed. I really never have to go through hardship, ever, alone if I don’t want to. There are VERY few people I know who can say the same.

With numerous blessings counted, I’ll get some sleep.



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