It’s been quiet in my world. This is something I’m getting used to. If I’m not being bombarded on texts or emails full of things people want from me…. well… it’s quiet. It’s bothering me a lot this week. I could use someone to just chat with. Or hang out with and have nothing important to say at all. It’s not even to drown out the chatter in my mind. Because that has gone quiet as well. It’s an unrealistic want at this point. There simply isn’t the bandwidth in people’s lives anymore. Everyone’s got their “thing”. And all the friends for life have paired off already in this weird game. I’m not unfamiliar with the left-on-the-choosing-floor feeling. The teacher eventually comes and is my partner or forces me into some weird pairing with someone else who was unwanted. Funny. That doesn’t make fast friends either.
The new Kendrick Lamar project has been keeping me company though. Afraid that my followers on Spotify will think that my playlist is broken because it’s all I play now. The music is a companion. The words offer some chatter to the persistent silence.
Not sure this is how I want it to go forever. I just don’t have the energy to figure out how I can do it differently.