The Gauntlet (Day 5)

What I’ve been reading on most of these boards is that Day 3 after the surgery is usually the worst.   The swelling begins to subside and your stomach starts to function as it did in terms of hunger.  But all you’re shoveling into it is clear liquid.   Well…  Day 3 managed to get by me.  I discovered clear SOUP broth (see my previous post about the distinction between that and “clear broth”) and that helped me by greatly.

Until today.

I was due to go see my Nininne because she had cooked up a huge vat of Haitian Soup (Bouillon) for me to freeze and use during my puree stage.  I was excited to see her because she had her grand daughter who is 1 year older than my daughter with her and I knew they could play together and my husband loves her too. So we get to Nininne’s sister’s house and everyone is pretty silent.  Just on their respective pieces of technology ( laptops, tablets, cellphones ) and making idle chatter.   I’m sure everyone in there knew that I’d just had the surgery and had little to say.  Bigger things were afoot – my Nininne’s niece is pregnant so that makes for better conversation.  But she chatted with me about it and what it took and people she knew who had the surgery, etc.  It was nice… I was drinking my water… and then it happened.

They started cooking.

First they pulled out the Haitian Patties which are these beautiful puff pastry creations that cradle ground chicken, beef or saltfish in it’s center. EVERYONE had one in the room (except for me). Then they started serving up the hot link sausages to the kids with glorious white bread… then… they started cooking vegetable rice to go with their fried pork tenderloins (Griot).

I? was going to lose my mind.  EVERYTHING IN ME… it took EVERYTHING in me not to shove a patty in my mouth or a handful of rice or swipe the hotlink from my daughter’s plate.   I WAS SO HUNGRY.  I’d not been that hungry in a very long time.   I drank my water for a while longer, announced that it was time to go after my daughter was done with her hot link and made our way out of there.  (Don’t worry – we’d been there for about 2 hours so it wasn’t like we’d just gotten there).   I felt like I wanted to cry.   It was too much.  All the comforts of the foods from my childhood coupled with the presence of family which I seldom get anymore… there were so many strings being pulled to get me to fall.  I had to remove myself from the situation.   And good that I did.  I’m sure they would have had to wrestle me down to unhinge my hands open from clutching whatever food I snagged.

Got home – and had some vegetable soup broth.  And all was right with the world again.   I’ve told myself that if i was in the mushy stage or even just the liquid protein stage… I might have been able to do better than I did today (which wasn’t bad, considering i didn’t cave at all)… but I could have had some great tasting alternative to everything they were eating.

It’s a process… I’m going through it…

I just can’t wait for the next phase that will hold me over a little better than clear liquid.

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