Looking back at me
(in today’s culture, there’s about 12 different ways this title can be taken… I mean it in the most innocent of those ways.)
I’m at the airport now getting ready for venture off to Florida and attend a conference for work. Up until last night, I was looking forward to it. I really wanted a little break. Some Mommy-Me time. Sleep through the night… drink a little. Get a massage. A Mani/Pedi. Eat all wrong. No Judgements. After a full week alone with Theeny, I felt I was deserving. As a result of that week, she had gotten so clingy to me. Not to say that I don’t LOVE it – because I do. But my sleep suffers the most. I just wish to get through one night uninterrupted. But if that meant having to be without my Theeny for always – then forget it. She is bottled joy. Waking up next to her is such unmitigated happiness. Sometimes she sits up and just begins cheering. Like. “YAY that was great sleep and HOORAY for another day of living!” There is no way that my disposition could suck waking up next to my own personal cheer leader.
Today while trying to handle some business in the bathroom, she walked up to me and just jumped into my lap and wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my chest. She just wanted to be with me. Didn’t matter what I was doing. She just wanted to rest quietly on her momma and give love however she knew she could do it. Normally I try to trick her into going back into the room or “where’s daddy? can you find him?” Because the though of sharing the bathroom with her just seems cruel and unusual to me (not the she gives a hoot LOL). But today, I just held her. She played with my hair and my ears and my eyes and I tickled her and played with her belly button.
Later on when I called the cab to come get me, she was gearing up to take a walk with Gramma so we were both outside at the same time. And as she walked away… she kept looking back at me. And as long as she looked, i blew her kisses. Half the block down, she was still walking forward but looking at me.
I was just overwhelmed with love… And she was giving it to me freely and without filter.
She is bottled joy. My heavenly answered prayer.