Sing In The Valley
This is the conseille of the Lord to his people in peril. Sing!! Even at the lowest points and just when you reach a point lower than you ever thought you'd go…. SING LOUDER.
I'm trying very hard to pick a song that I don't sound stupid belting out. But I need to sing like I've not sung before. I'm thinking that this is supposed to be the happiest time in my life and aside from the typical bride-to-be stresses, I should be glowing with excitement. Someone asked me in a meeting today if I was excited about the wedding and my mental censors fought to scurry into place to make sure the wrong thing didn't come out. A quiet "yes" finally hissed its way through my teeth and I closed my eyes and imagined my father not being there, keeping peace between warring factions and tallying the list of things forgotten because of lack of time, cooperation etc. — the general dealing with a "THANK GOD IT'S OVER" sigh from my parents, to my bridal party… Maybe even from my guests.
I guess it's too much to want everyone to feel joy all the time. Or even some of the time. I did feel joy yesterday when my Earl told me we got approved for one of the apartments. At least we now have one definite place to live. And when all is said and done, people will be hard pressed to dig me out of there. I had a similar feeling right before I crossed. I thought that I would just not want to talk to my LS's for weeks and just regain my sense of self. But after we crossed, I enjoyed spending time together with them as often (and as voluntarily) as I could. Maybe this situation will end up the same. It has definitely brought my baby and I closer.
But i'm picking my song… And I hope not to go hoarse before i've passed through all of this