A wish to be missed

It’s been a running theme in my world.   Rephrasing the reciprocity trope.

I sent a message to someone at work last night right before going to sleep and then for whatever reason agonized about how I would hypothetically reply to their possible replies.  ALL. NIGHT.  Like… literally spent all night crafting the response in a semi-lucid state.  Losing sleep.  Then around 4:30 AM whatever logic cycle kicked in and reminded me that my interactions with this particular person never have culminated in anything good because as I pour over the words I use with them, they quickly and easily dismiss and forget them like they were never important.  So why am I killing myself mentally?  All of that to wake up to see that they had not even opened my message at all.  Proof in the pudding.

Spending my day alone today because much to be done at work and the loss of sleep won’t have me being productive anywhere else.  Hopefully can recapture some zzs once this noon meeting concludes.  Sent a text to E saying I miss him and got back that he arrived safely at the funeral he’s attending.  Bit of a pang.  I miss everyone today.   My daughter is at social distancing camp; he’s at the funeral till it’s time to pick her up from camp (4:00PM); I had to cancel my day of frolicking with my bff because of stupidity with my co-worker holding up my sleep.   But no one seems to miss my participation… or me.   I’m definitely lonely today.  Makes me want to down a bottle of wine and just call it quits after the noon meeting.   Just summer Friday it and check back in tomorrow.

There’d be days like this.

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