There are definitely people in this world that I take for granted. They are the background friends that seem to always be there when you need them, even if they aren’t in the forefront flailing their arms about and getting all my attention. W is definitely one of those friends. I guess since I’ve been PMSing (AGAIN) lately, I’ve just been so quick to dismiss folks and discount how much interest they have in me or the things I’m interested in. I got in yesterday morning and W wrote to me on IM… he was like… “You didn’t even give me a chance to engage you on the conversation. If you’d’ve sent me the tracks you were referring to, I could have listened to them and we could have talked. Sometimes you have to be willing to meet half way”. (referring to my desire to talk about Jamiroquai). I’m paraphrasing… But at the time, I was still at full blown hate myself and everything mode. I didn’t want to educate anyone about what I wanted to talk about, I thought. I just wanted them to know already. So I proceeded to yes him to death about what he was saying till I had to go to my next meeting.
So last night I ended a tumultuous day by posting Kina’s song and making it my anthem and my victory song, one day. Just trying to quell the demons in my head. Went to sleep with it on my mind. Woke up with it on my mind, and got to work. And here W goes, “Very nice song you posted on your blog. I downloaded it, it’s on my Rio and I watched the video.” And only on the ride home… I was like… How wondermous of him. Cause next time I say I wanna talk about Kina but no one knows her songs… He’ll be at least one up. W, you rock! P is so lucky, man. Thanks.
Then there is AP. Just when I thought I wouldn’t have anyone I could talk to at all. Not a soul knows of my discontent like AP does. I confide so much in him. The things he doesn’t know are only because we haven’t gotten around to talking about them yet. But I’d feel no reservation in telling him everything. When I was in my frenzy trying not to “play Russian roulette and put the phone to my ear just to say hey” I stared at the keypad on my phone at worked and wondered who I could call. And I dialed his number like it was second nature. And he sat and listened to me go from being angry to scared to crying to okay again (he probably doesn’t realize I went through all of that). And just let me. All the while, just staying silent and letting me. He gave me good solid advice. Not that hallmark cliche stuff that most people spew. He just wanted me to make the right decisions before I can’t make them anymore. He talks from behind the wall of regret a lot… and that scares me for him… but, I’m grateful he can see past it enough to counsel others to be wary and wise. It pisses me off so much that he’s not on IM anymore because I love having smart folks around me at all times. But he’s just a phone call away. Love you, AP, man. Another one… T is so blessed.
And then of course. The obvious one. My baby came to my rescue today. For once I was in a hurry and it depended on him and I didn’t take it out on him. He was calm and assured we’d get there. He was jovial and making light of all situations the whole time. At red lights he’d ask for kisses and every now and then he’d get my juices flowing with some mathematical something (I’m a FIEND for mathematicians… it’s the nerd in me). And when we got there just in time… and left he looked at me and said “Who’s the man…?” and I said (and meant) “You are baby!” And as hectic a day I was having… I couldn’t find the spark in our space to be annoyed or upset or disgruntled. I was just at peace. Thank you for being and finding my peace, my baby. I know you don’t read this… but really… the whole thing, my whole life and everything I feel has you as a hinge. I love you.
That felt good. I’m getting some rest