One Year. The Difference.

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This time last year… I was recovering from THE most life changing moment in all of my time here on this earth.   I’d just given birth to my sweet, beautiful baby girl and was waiting in recovery to be released upstairs.  Had to wait until my legs regained sensitivity.  And while I waited for that…. I was also waiting to see who was going to come downstairs and visit ME.  But they were all upstairs in the nursery – falling hopelessly in love with our cherub goddess.

This time 2010… I wrote:  “And here I am – on the other side of it all. Childless still – but with hope of trying several times again.” as I held my breath

This time 2009… I wrote “I talked to a few people (who have been through it successfully and unsuccessfully) about what the IVF procedure really entails… in detail. And I found myself thinking… “Why me?” Why must I take the road less traveled just because I’m stronger.” as I grew tired of being strong.

This time 2008… I wrote “I will NOT be denied. By ANYONE. This is me. No one is going to live my life FOR me. So I can’t let the situations around me dictate how I’ll feel about it.” while I prepared to cleanse.

This time 2007… I wrote “To end up in a world where anything is possible if you can realize it and take control of your own actions to make it reality…   Wait… That sounds like life… now,” pondering the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind.

Each year has made a difference.  I could go further back but this post isn’t really about ME.  It’s not even really about Theena.  It’s about HOPE.  I got frustrated and sad and felt forgotten and forsaken.  But I always picked myself up and had hope.  I’ll never be able to really quantify the value in the lesson my parents taught me in being able to achieve ANYTHING.  Somehow I never let anyone poke holes in that for me.  I kept that secret close to my chest and I live it.  Even if it takes years to get to.  I live this testimony to faith and perseverance.

I just stare at her.  Marveled.  Astounded.  She’s really here.  This ISN’T a dream.  And if so, not one that i look to wake up from.  She is a pure blessing.  I love her more than I’ve loved anything or anyone.  She makes me push myself even harder, if that’s possible.  It makes sense that she was born at a pivotal time in my year where I reassess… look at the half way point for the year and decide that the game isn’t over and I CAN take the rest of the time in a new direction.  She is a game changer for me.  On a daily basis.  I’m in awe of her.  And her love humbles me.  She is the goddess of my heart.

I love you little Theenybop… more than you’ll ever know.

Happy 1st birthday



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