It’s not an emotion I admit to having. Mostly because in life, I have not really needed to feel it. Every decision I have made, right or wrong has brought me to this very point. I am the woman I am today because if every mistake, triumph and silly idiosyncrasy. I don’t rebuke that. I am, lately, dealing with an unusual feeling that has me missing my younger days…. Finding that I wish I had mor if the knowledge of myself then as I do now. How much more powerful and respectful I would be of what I was capable of… Instead of wasting it away on people and times that didn’t deserve it.
I came up with a theory this past week that in the future we did indeed learn to finally time travel. And you know how in all the sci fi movies they say that you should t change anything when you go back? Leave it as is or you’ll change the future. Well, folks didn’t listen and for every change they made, a new alternate reality was born. Massive amounts of us going back and changing the seemingly pivotal one thing that would have made us….. Different? Better? More successful? More sure? Less fearful…. Peeling onion skins off of time…. Making new strains of reality. Not a complete overhaul of my previous theory that for every choice tree there is a version of us that made the other decisions. The ones our present selves didn’t chose and there spawned a new reality.
But even the one horrid blemish on my past gave me a truth and foundation that is UNSHAKEABLE. God
to me. Just as plain as day. I needed no middle men or soothsayers. Just HE and I. If I had not had the most challenging dilemma of my life…. would there have been the opportunity for that?
I can’t regret anything. And if I see regret coming in my action (or non action) in the near future, I must act accordingly. No more sitting back and letting life wash past. I can’t feel like I am living my live through a glovebox anymore.
I have to FEEL again.