Happy New Year!!!
Well, last year definitely was one for the books. So much goodness came out of that year. So many realizations. So much growing into my own skin. Of course the highlight is the birth of my sweet baby daughter. My first born. The miracle I’d almost given up on. She has come to life and transformed me. This entire post … nay the entire blog can be about the ways she’s saved me. And it will be. But today’s blog will be about this new year right here. There’s much to be accomplished and so little time (well… that’s not fair – we get a whole extra day this year LEAP!)
I want to focus on some keys here:
1) LOSE AT LEAST 60 LBS – yeah. 60. it’s gotten that bad. They weighed me at the doctor and I was mortified. I really let it all go after the baby. I actually looked GREAT after I had her – for those first 2 months… i was moreso slender than I’d been prior to the pregnancy. Then I went back to work… and it all went down hill. Wendy, Ronald, Popeye, Papa John and the Colonel to name a few became regular household visitors… and the weight just piled and piled and piled. That’s enough now. With folks around me dying at 42… at 32… at 27…. I have more reason than ever to try to extend this life for this little girl. A 65 yr old endpoint isn’t an option AT. ALL.
2) SET DOWN THE CAREER PATH – there’s some stuff taking place that lets me know that this is the last (or may be the 2nd to last) place I ever work “for”. The path needs to be laid out that i will work for myself and benefit MY family. I’ve been saying it for a while, but I’m moreso ready than ever. I gotta make it happen for me.
3) WORK ON THE SON – while there are many smaller steps to this one, I need to get my mind and body ready to birth my 2nd child. I am putting it into the universe to give me a son. Because if I can have my boy and my girl, I will quietly go to Dr. Kofinas and tell him to pull the whole system OUT. I’ll be done for real.
4) HOME – there will be somewhere I can call “HOME” … a house of our own… no one living above or below. Us as owners and to follow our own thoughts and rules. PERIOD. This is a ONE YEAR PLAN… and needs to be.
Those are the pivotals. And I’ll figure out the sub to-dos in the coming weeks, while I’m pining away for some meat or fish LOL But if I can make it through this 30 day fast…. I believe that this year will be all I can make it and more. I just have to show myself that I have the will, courage and steadfast ability to get it done.
Day one of the fast … well… yeah. This morning, I “cheated” – not really a cheat cause I hadn’t started the fast yet. Wanted to end it with a good remembrance. So we went to the diner and had one last hurrah. That was holding me over pretty good. So the thoughts of the fast didn’t phase me. “I can do this.” “All I have to do is have alternatives to the crap I’d eat ready to go and I won’t stray.” This evening around 9PM with a fridge full of bananas, pears, apples, V8 and water i craved HARD for some buttered popcorn. Doesn’t seem so bad. But this fast calls for raw veggies and fruits for 14 days at least. The thought of just one kernel of popcorn melting in my mouth overtook me. I used all of my innate lawyer skills to lobby FOR the idea of making the bag of popcorn to my husband who stood firm against the crashing waves of my desire. (Thank GOD for him) I resigned myself to drinking the whey protein drink that goes with this fast and that held me over. And then I had a pear and made it my bitch and ate the hell out of it. Now I sit here assessing how I feel and wonder if I’ll ever stop being hungry. I didn’t realize it was this bad. But I can’t go back to the way I was eating before. I literally FELT my system being gummed up. As I was telling my Icy this morning – I feel stuffed like a doll. That has to change… post haste. So… I’ll have to get used to this hunger feeling. And maybe as a result… also get used to the feeling of really LIKING what and who I see in the mirror. My mother-in-law did everything short of raising her hands up in a hallelujah when I announced that my fasting started today. Man. *smh*
So Day 1… more like day .75 down. 29.25 days to go.