I have this general sense of BLAH today. I thought I didn’t know where it was coming from. But I do…
Just nothing nothing nothing compares to being at home with my sweet shnooklie pie. I miss watching her grow through out the day. While the look of happiness and excitement on her face to see me come home is something brings me indescribable joy – I’d much rather revel in the varied expressions she’d share with me through out the day. I find myself trying to cram a day’s worth of loving and caring for her into the 5 final hours of the day and the first 2 hours of the morning that I get with her. Pretty much if I’m not breathing her … it seems pretty pointless.
I’m not to the point of melting down at my desk into tears. It’s more… annoyance. All things are hurdles that I need to fly over to get back to her and whatever she wants to do with me and for me. Whether it’s to pitch a fit with me for cleaning her nose or if it’s actually turning towards me to nestle in close and go to sleep – which might seem like nothing but these little moments define me now. I really LIVE for them. Other things are just … in the way.
I’m sure I need a few more weeks to just even out. But I LIKE being all about my baby. She’s pretty effin fantastic to me and I am fiendish for the experience of her.
Mommy stuff. 3 more hours till I can go to her…