Sweetest Goddess –
It is not like the night before graduation. Or moving to another state. Or like the moments before your wedding or any other sacrament in which you may partake. Not the quivers before a major exam. Not the day before a new promising job. There are NO words to describe the feeling that I have knowing that today begins a new life for me. Life as your mother.
I have DREAMED of this moment… more than I care to admit. One may think I’m obsessed with the thought, but your presence in my life has been on my mind since I was a little baby myself. As a child you took the form of many a cabbage patch kid and pink bunny rabbit. The name you were DEFINITELY going to have changed about 4 times during the course of my life. Who I thought without a shadow of a doubt would be the best father for you PALES in comparison to who you will actually get to call Daddy. This day is a realization that I haven’t been dreaming this. Not this time. I’m not going to wake up with just a shadow of your face burned on my heart and a vague idea of what you might look like one day. Today is the real thing. Today is the biggest day of my life. And even though I’m managing to piece together words for you to read one day when you’re older and stumble across this blog… I’m truly at a loss for words. When I think of how hard I prayed and how much I cried and the things that had to be done to allow for your reality… I am HUMBLED by your presence here. I am a blessed vessel and dedicated servant. While it may not always seem that way and you’ll be resigned to believe that your poor mother must be crazy my only delusion is the intoxication of love I have for you. The deep devotion I have to making a better life for you and giving you an amazing chance at this world, at this life — for being the absolute best person that you can become. If I stumble over it, it’s clumsiness that can be assigned to my wanting to overshoot the goal. I worry about doing it wrong or not doing enough of anything. I’ll learn with time because all crafts are a thing to be perfected. I pray to wield this motherhood thing with the effortlessness that your Grandmother had. And even she still made mistakes out of extreme love.
You are an answered prayer. My wish on a star. My hearts greatest desire. When I call on your name it is a thank you to God for allowing me to have this dream play out in my reality. I can’t WAIT to hold you in my arms and feel your love.
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
Welcome, my daughter.