Ever look at the ocean at night?
I think it’s the very scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Scares and fascinates me. It could be an effect of my eyesight being so bad… but… on any night – clear or otherwise… it is this wall of endless darkness. A darkness with a voice that just echoes. It can be as close as the reach of your finger or as distant as miles you can’t fathom. But it’s all encompassing. As soon as you mind reaches the limit of the shore… that’s all there is. Darkness. I’ve had nightmares about it. Because in my mind, I hope that if I search long enough, there’ll be light eventually. And usually in my nightmares I never find it… and the darkness wrapped all around me. Scariest nightmares ever. They consist of nothing but me and that darkness. I used to think it might be my fear of blindness. But I’m pretty clear now – it’s my fear of the things I can’t control. The things that I don’t know how they’ll turn out but I’m forced to watch them on this grand screen…. frozen until the end. Not unlike a train wreck… but I guess I keep expecting to see the light of that train coming towards me. But… I don’t. Just darkness. And the sound of that inevitability.
Saddest part is – I can see that same horizon in the light and honestly, I STILL don’t know what’s out there.