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Unfortunately, last night was another of those uneasy, unrestful nights full of disturbing dreams. This time all three disturbing dreams were of the wedding, and of the usual subject – me not being prepared. The firs of the dreams had me getting married in my living room, which isn’t unusual – i’ve had similar dreams way before the engagement. But it seems, in this dream, as we’re celebrating into the night, I remember that we still had the hall and that all that money was wasted paying for the hall and my heart sank and I woke up.

The next dream, we were at the hall but in the final hour, I realized that I never made a cd of all the music that we’ll need – and so my entrance song wasn’t in there. I tried to find it everywhere… But couldn’t. At one point they started the processional but I refused to go in till I either found my song or found a suitable replacement. (and if you know how I feel about my entrance song – THERE IS NO replacing it.) So after a good 45 minutes to an hour of searching – and not to mention leaving my guests, bridesmaids and groomsmen waiting, I picked a song and walked down the aisle to it, disgruntled. I remember the relief and remnants of tears in Earl’s eyes as I met him at the altar and he whispered “I was so afraid that you changed your mind”. Then I felt so bad for making him wait under such selfish auspice.

The final dream was similar in nature that something that was labored for went unused. I can’t remember right now what it was. But I was plenty upset about it.

The worst part was that as I was dreaming, it was as much reality to me as anything and I could feel my heart sink at the realization that things may not go as I hoped and prayed they would for 2 years.

I hope I’m ready for the day of.



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