If you were mine…
Bad advice from the wrong people can sometimes have a positive result. I won’t go in to the details, but someone who was not qualified to give me advice about my relationship, went ahead and did so and her words danced around in my mind wreaking havoc all day yesterday. I completely withdrew from the world and hated everyone. I stayed to myself to figure out what my game plan would be to attack back. Who would be this new & impervious me that no one could touch and no one could affect? How could I do it? Finally the phone call: “Why are you blocking me out? I want to talk to you… I want to help if it’s something i can help with. I want to know what’s on your mind if I did something wrong. Please don’t shut me out.” Okay, Impervious-me…. guess we should call him back. And I did. And we talked for hours. I let him know the throng of bad advice and instead of dismissing it, “Don’t listen to her… she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about,” I was regaled with stories of our past present and future. How we met. Funny things we did on the road to loving each other. Ultimately loving and standing by one another through great difficulties. Preparing to wed. Looking forward to long life. And how he wants to continue with me… all the way down the road. With only me. “The only one who can take me away from you is God… when He decides my time is up. We’ll have our kids and grandkids and great grandkids and whatever else the Lord will bless us with. And then when the time is done… you and I will ride off into the sunset together. I don’t even want to go to heaven without you.”
You hear these words in songs all your life… and never think someone will actually SAY them to you and MEAN THEM. It’s so much for me to wrap my mind around. Can I accept love this big? Can I manage love this all-encompassing? I used to be the one giving it, unselfishly, straight from my heart. And now I’m wrapped in its embrace… warm and protected. At least until someone else puts crazy ideas in my head. But he seems to know how to deal with that too.