It took me two days to start writing again because I really haven’t had a minute for myself. I am here in my hotel room (which is pretty okay) and I’m on a “break”. And I put break in parentheses because this whole weekend is a break to me. As far as Boule is concerned, they are really stringent with the rules and regulations for this Boule. If you are not registered to be here… you gets NOTHING. You can’t get into the vendor area, you can’t get into the meetings, you can’t even attend the shit at the end of the day like the stepshow and stuff. You are just shit outta luck. And it sucks that I didn’t register, but I can’t be mad. I knew I wasn’t going to be registered and I came down anyways. So like the soror I met downstairs earlier today said “This will be my lesson.” Next time, I will be on time with my registration and I’ll be able to attend everything. And I have full intention to do exactly that.
I’ve gotten a lot of rest though. Its good not to be sleeping on an inflatable bed and in a room with air conditioning. I’m getting a lot of quality time alone and with friends when I have a chance to hang out with them (when they are not in meetings and what not. So it’s good. I haven’t gotten much exercise though… (which I intend to do either today or tomorrow) nor have I gotten that elusive sun that I was looking for. The pool in this facility is indoors. And a sister doesn’t really want to mess up her hair ?. So I think I’ll check to see if there is somewhere I can get a little sun. The temperature here is really hot, but dry… so it’s okay. And there is this awesome breeze that comes through frequently. I got my nails done today, so I can stop balling up my right hand into a fist and I met a soror on the shuttle bus who knows Soror Cyril. Her name is Soror Coopwood. I have to remember that she said to tell Cyril she has a hug for her.
When I snuck into the orientation meeting on Sunday, I heard a lot of the Past Supreme Basilei speak and they were saying wonderful things about the sorority in general. The speech that had the most affect on me was the one given by Soror Marjorie Parker. She was saying how at the Boule in 1934 they were in Jacksonville, Mississippi and the boule was held at a church. And all the sorors attending the Boule stayed at other Sorors’ houses throughout Jacksonville. And they would have breakfast at their host’s house, then lunch at the chapel and then they’d go out at night for dinner. And it sounded so wonderful. Like a TRUE sisterhood… Made me kind of sad that I wasn’t around back then when things were that way. The sisterhood seemed true and real. Now… it really just feels like a business. Not to say that back then the business wasn’t getting done. It was. But the business of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. was in the HEARTS of every soror… not just their minds and pocketbooks. So that got me a little sad. I look around and try to greet sorors with a smile on my face and a pleasant “Hi there, Soror!” and I get a bevy of different responses. Anything from “Well, Hello Soror!” to “Hi” to… not even a glance in my direction. I’m thinking in Jacksonville, MS… in a church… there wasn’t too much room for you to be unsisterly. And so the option was to be sisterly. Period. Maybe it’ll be that way again one day. Maybe it won’t. It is what it is and I’m a part of it.
I feel like a leper sometimes, while I’m here. Everyone has their badge on for Boule and I have none. I feel bad because I SHOULD be registered. But I’m not. But I’m here. I can’t get in to anything or do much when it comes to the business of Alpha Kappa Alpha, but I’m here. I hope I get more out of this weekend than that sinking feeling that I’ve had so often in life of being on the outside looking in. I’m too familiar with that feeling and I would like for it to stop one day.
On a social side, I went to a restaurant called Sambuca’s on Saturday night with Vernie and Frat Michael who came and saved me from the abandonment that Soror Lucia left me in. She did NOT come get me from the airport and didn’t even leave me a message saying that on top of it all. But I called Kay Cee and Mike was nice enough to chaperone us around a little bit. I gotta call him again and say hi. At Sambuca’s we ate really tasty crab cakes and we drank really tasty Chocolate martini’s. I really enjoyed them very much and the company was wonderful! I’m glad I’m here with my #1. She’s really representing and setting a standard for our line. I’m glad that she is active.
Then last night, I met up with Robin, Kenyatta and Karla and we all went to the Kappa party. Which was cool. I think I looked really nice and I was doing my thing. There was this really cute guy there… who I think was checking me out. I mean… he was tall.. his body was nice… he even had that little twinge of a old school nerd thing going on with his glasses on (kind of like D.Chris has – this cat was a little lighter skinned though). But all he did was check me out. He didn’t come up to me and say anything. And I’m tired of building the rest of the bridge for men. I looked at him and smiled and everything. But he didn’t come over. And then he just disappeared. Oh well. Maybe he’ll be at another party this week. Maybe not. I’m sure he has to work like everyone else in this area does. I’m the only one who TRULY has off. I don’t have to work nor do I have to be at this convention. I hope I see him again. Maybe I’ll feel a little bit bolder and won’t mind having to bridge the gap.
So I guess it doesn’t have to be said that Caz didn’t come. I didn’t expect him to. He didn’t even call and say “hey… I’m not coming.” So I’m just done with that information. I need a man who can make things happen for me. I can certainly make things happen for my men. It should go both ways. So I’m tired of always being the go getter, willing to break my back and bend over sideways to make them happy but hey can’t do the same for me. So Caz is knocked out of the box. I can’t deal with the lies and deception. Besides, according to what Robin tells me, he and Tracey are not truly over anyway. They are together still and apparently not too good about it. Good for her ass… she deserves it for having snatched him away the way she did. So… what goes around…
In any case…It’s 3:35. Lemme see if I sign on to the internet and find out what is happening with my job, et al.