Knowing What You Have to do…

Knowing What You Have To Do…

Such a big difference in that and actually doing it. We all dread the repercussions of certain of our actions. That dread and fear holds us in place for years. Usually a place that we much rather not be if we had open options and the freedom to know that no one would be hurt. But instead we hurt ourselves. Confine ourselves to misery and disappointment. To spare others’ feelings. But there comes a point when you realize what you have to do. That realization is hard to come to. Because it could be years more between knowing what you have to do and actually doing it. A friend of mine asked me if it’s ever okay to give up… I referenced him an old Kenny Rogers song i used to listen to as a child. But whether it’s okay or not… Donny knows…

This is where Donny always got me. He knew the message before he started to sing. But he wails… cause he knows… once he says the words… he can’t take them back. And I can SEE him shaking his head while he struggles internally with the fear that’s held him in place and the final straw that is pushing him to do what he needs to do… and after taming the inner turmoil long enough to come to terms with what he’s about to do…

Finally… he sings…

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Back to the Middle

Back to the Middle

“Don’t make no mind about falling down
‘Cause it’s when you’re in that valley
You can see both sides more clearly”
india.arie

I’ve emotionally fallen down this week. I’m allowing outside forces to determine my mood and my outlook. I’m willingly giving in to and cringing away from things that are scaring me. Nothing is going right. Nothing ever will. And I’m doomed.

The Libra in me has, with precision and measured swiftness, shoved my otherwise optimistic pendulum clear through to the other side. It’s so hard for me to have a mid ground. I’ve always attributed it to the Scales I carry. I can balance out for others… but for me… life is extremes. I’m either extremely happy. Intensely spiritual. Gloriously sexual. Monetarily well off. Loving all weather patterns. Nothing could be wrong. Or… the world is coming to an end. No one likes me. God’s abandoned me. No money to be found. And every day, it rains.

I pray to make it back to the middle… even if it’s just in quick passing.

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