I Miss Those Days

I Miss Those Days

I miss the days of being in love

in
fatuated

in
toxicated

I miss the helpless hopeless feeling of the skipped beat or the stuttered word

living on the edge of a constant heart pounding anticipation…

That fidgety when he locks eyes with you

clammy palms when touching you

Tongue stuck dry to the roof of your mouth when he holds you

anticipation

the late night phone calls that evoke the sun

the drawn out silences full of comfort and wonder.

The guts leaping at the sound of the doorbell or the ding of a new email…

I miss those days.

I miss being the one that’s missed

knowing my voice uttering his name gives hime the same butterflies I feel when I say it

I miss goosebumps and
long savory unintentional soft kisses

I miss running away knowing he’s coming right behind because he needs me as much as I need him

I miss the feeling of not being able to stay mad

I miss being the prey that’s caught and the one that got away

I miss being adored.

I miss being in love.

4tress 200701012014

On the Brink

On the Brink…

I’m staring down into an abyss, and I don’t know what’s waiting for me. 2007 has the potential of being the most life changing year of my life and whether or not I’ll come out sane on the other end is to be determined. Everything has this double edged sword for me right now. My wedding planning is for the happiest day of my life, but in the same instance it seems to making a few people quite miserable. Home life is always teetering on a pin head. Dad is home from the hospital but it’s been extremely quiet… So I’m not exactly sure how to handle that… or interpret it. We haven’t really been looking for a home yet… so it’s unsure where we’ll end up. And then married life is staring me down… one day promising to be rewarding… the next day threatening to be the bain of my existence.

If I look at the bright side of things, the pro is that everything has a 50% chance of being GREAT! Of course there’s the flip side if I chose to be gloom and doom. It’s hard to strike that balance. But right now, this year is looking pretty grim because I’m allowing myself to dwell in the negatives. I’m not happy with most situations in my life right now and I fear what that will mean for the rest of the year.

I hope I’m making the right decisions. Heaven help me.

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