5 Years

5 Years

How different were you 5 years ago?

September 2001

How old were you?:
27

Where did you go to school?:
Pace University, NYC Campus (but I had graduated)

Where did you work?:
Just started at Emmis for about 5 months at that point.

Where did you live?:
Elmhurst, Queens

Where did you hang out?:
Midtown… posh craziness that I couldn’t afford

How was your hair?:
About shoulder length and always curled under

Did you wear glasses?:
contacts

Who was your best friend?:
Earl, Max, Shamyra.

Who was your regular-person crush?:
My sweet baby

How many tattoos did you have?:
0

How many piercings did you have?:
2 (1 in each ear)

What car did you drive?:
Drive?

What was your worst fear?:
Being alone and misunderstood

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?:
Sure.

Had you been arrested?:
Nope.

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Dating

**LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!**

September 2006:

How old are you?:
32

Where do you work?:
Emmis Communications

same town?:
Yep, for about the next year.

Where do you hang out?:
Dragonfly, Slate.

Do you wear glasses?:
contacts

What is your hairstyle?:
Past my shoulders straight in a doobie

Who are your best friends?:
Earl, Maxine, Robin, Isis, Donyshia, Shamyra

Still talk to any of your old friends?:
Every now and again.

How many piercings do you have?:
2

How many tattoos?:
0

What kind of car do you have?:
98 Ford Taurus (my dad’s)

What is your biggest fear?:
not being able to have kids

Have you been arrested since if so how many times total?
No. and none.

Has your heart been broken?:
Numerous times

Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Engaged to be married…

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The Way You Love Me

The Way You Love Me

My baby had a very honest and heartful talk with me about the way I love people today.

This weekend was pretty tough for me – on friday I was being terrorized by a mouse that had decided he was going to hold dominion in my room. So I stood on a chair for the better part of the evening petrified. The next day? Earl came to the house with cleaning supplies and a cd of love songs dedicated to me and cleared out all the clutter in my room. He totally allowed me to stand aside and supervise knowing how scared I was. And I had the single most glorious night of sleep i’ve had in 3 weeks.

But then this morning, my dad, just like clockwork, fell ill and had a fever and was lethargic and not speaking and not responding and being generally inactive. Strangely, my mom was lobbying HARD to let him make it through the night and see if he’d recover. I called two of my friends who are doctors and they told me that we should have BEEN taken him to the hospital. My mom’s response? With a dismissive wave of her hand “Oh… That’s just doctors talking.”

*blink*

*blink blink*

We figured the only reason that we would go to St. John’s with him woyld have been to keep him close in the case mom would want to visit. But being that it’s not really possible for her to do that – let’s take him to a good hospital. So we managed to get him out of bed into some clothes and in the car to Lenox Hill.

Upon getting there and getting him into ER, he had a little “accident” which I thought the nurses would help him with, but I guess they didn’t because there were traces everywhere. I spoke to a nurse about it at one point and explained to her that I didn’t understand the hold up and if we have to be the ones to clean him let us know.

I would NEVER volunteer to be the one to do that…. Because I don’t love that way. My body doesn’t allow me to. Between my extra sensitive nose and my generally widespread fear of bugs, maggots and rodents – I seem to be able to only offer clean love. I’m not really willing to wipe a shitty ass in the name of love… Or crawl down into a mildewy infested basement because of love. The more I thought about it… The more I felt like a sociopath and completely incapable of truly loving someone the way I should.

And that’s when Earl, through his sleep- drunken 2 AM stupor explained that we all love differently and that’s what makes love so exciting and different. We complement each other – where he’s not afraid of bugs – he rather enjoys the feeling of protecting me. Where I am artful at being decisive and moving in definite direction, he says that in a lot of ways I pushed him to be a better man.

Although, i’m sure down the lin I may have to do some unthinkable things. I guess that’s the part of love that i’ll grow into.

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Fly Away

I had a pretty tough time getting to sleep again last night. Seems like one week i’m on and the next i’m not. I had a very interesting set of dreams that at one point had me wondering what I ate before I went to bed. In one mini dream, I was standing in the middle of my office and began to stretch / yawn… You know the kind that when you’re done you see stars and feel a little dizzy? But this yawn went beyond that I kept stretching and I started to float… Right up into the atmosphere of the room and the feeling of flying away was so extraordinary that it woke me right up out of the dream. Then it took a soid hour for me to get back to sleep.

When I finally did go back to sleep I dreamt a “Serendipity” like dream where the perfect man was found – one with no prior attachments (ex-wives, children), who wasn’t currently married, didn’t have a million responsibilities thay mad him completely unavailable, was wildly, passionately and unequivocally in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his days doting on that reality. I really was very happy in that dream… And cried a lot, knowing i’d have to wake up soon.

Ordered

Ordered

So…it finally happened. Yesterday, after scrounging my little pennies together (and resisting any and all urges to spend them) I picked up the phone, called Jefre’s bridal boutique and ordered my wedding gown. We guesstimated the size based on my measurments the other day (which were loosely taken) and the fact that i’m on my way down the size scale pretty steadily. And I paid a little extra to get it rush delivered. It’ll be here, God willing, at the end of November. And with the same breath, I emailed the videographers and asked to set up some time to speak with them and checked on their availability. They’re avail on my day and what’s even moreso crazy – they just posted a video on their website that was shot…. Feb. 18th of this year… Spooky.

Those were the final major cogs missing from the picture and they’ve finally begun a slow spin. Things are falling in order.

Finally

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Unwind

Unwind

Greetings from Indianapolis, IN. It’s raining here and the humidity is FOR REAL. For once, I’m in a hotel room and my thermostat is on 80/90 (can’t really read it accurately) enjoying the toasty warmth and the low lighting of the “heavenly” Westin hotel. This place is crazy with their clean air thing that they do. If they find evidence of you smoking in the room or anywhere around the hotel, they charge a $200 “deep cleaning fee” to your bill. WOW. Well, the movement is on against the cancer sticks in a major way. And rightfully so.

The flight was pretty crazy. Although it’s the most restful sleep I’ve had in a minute, the ride was horribly bumpy and the altitude KEPT making my ears pop and worse than ever because I’m sick, so I guess there was an excess of fluid in my sinus cavities anyways. At one point, D suggested to me that I “breathe through my ears” to release the pressure. So I guess it was too much and the room just started to swirl. I got all scared thinking of the many posts I’ve read on Isis’ blog. But eventually I balanced out and slowly my hearing started to return.

We just got back from dinner with my main damie, Shannon. She’s a trip and was sweet enough to drive all the way down from Terre Haute (1 hr) to visit and have dinner with me and my co workers.

And now we’re back. And I’m sitting here in this hotel room… just quietly. A lot of my time has been quiet. I’m grateful for that. I’m procrastinating from ironing my clothes for tomorrow so that I can get a head start…but I’ll stop procrastinating… I’ll just give in to having a clean quiet environment to be in alone with my thoughts.

*sigh* I needed this.

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