Ghosts

I am haunted by ghosts on a regular basis. I see things floatong across my vision that trigger my periphereal all the time. My skin crawls regularly for no reason at all feeling like someone’s touch or gentle nudge trying to get my attention. And when I sleep – of course, dreams of my alternate universes. They seem really real while i’m in them and then… Just shadows of reality when I awake.

I think to myself a lot – how would I be in any other life? Seems awefully charmed that living in lower / middle class America – having never really been DIRT poor (or aware of it if I was) – opportunities abounding for me, never been directly affected by war, famine, drought or general suffering. One might say I’m really spoiled. I wonder if I could make it in another life. One where black people are the dominant race. One where Matriarchs are royalty. Or one like this reality where women are still objectified and their bodies mutilated. Can I even imagine my own female body “circumsized?” (castrated is more like it). Or my limbs missing from the practice of mining for diamonds to drizzle from rich and sheltered hands, necks and wrists.

We do have it really easy when you think about it.

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Thank you, Spike Lee….

Thank you, Spike Lee…

You know… no matter what happens… years, decades, centuries from now… Spike Lee – no matter how radical or strange we may have found his works to be in the past will be remembered as a director / producer / film maker who tried to present a different image for Black People. Who tried to make others see things from our perspective. Who tried to make us have a common vision. His ways may not have always been accepted or his view widely shared or understood – but he tries/d. I got home in time to watch the end of “When the Levees Broke” on HBO and although I swore I’d be so detached (for the one time where I felt the rift between myself, a West Indian, and these Black Americans – because they sure don’t seem to give a flying fuck when hurricanes beat down the shores of Haiti) I really felt. I felt horrible. I felt angry. I felt wronged, again. I felt 3/5ths. As a people, I felt what he thought I should feel. Being a member of this great diaspora – my people were in need… and the government, upon whose backs this country was built, and who has subsequently learned to ignore due to our own ignorance at times… ignored our cries. Let us to die. Claimed that they were looking for ways to alleviate the poor population anyway… and so this hurricane which would kill, cripple and change people’s lives was viewed almost as a solution. I sat in a meeting today, strategizing how to eulogize the 1 year anniversary of this tragedy earlier and found how I was convinced that the rest of Black America really didn’t care. Maybe like I didn’t earlier today. But seeing what I saw… made me really understand more than the media EVER let me see. And now I care more than I thought I would have.

And I wouldn’t have if Spike didn’t think it was worth covering.

So thank you Spike – for trying to unify our vision. It worked for me today.

I hope it always works….

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Staring

So, I think I have the word “SATAN” painted across my forehead in blood again – because the ride in this morning has been laden with unabashedly bold staring people. Unlike what is customary in NY – direct eye contact is made.

And I did check for all the obvious things – like a stray booger, sleep in my eye, a makeup mark gone awry. But nothing…

Didn’t check for the big Satan sign though….

That must be it.

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Repurposed

Repurposed:

A discussion happened between my brother and I:

My Brother: Do you know about physics
Me: *Gives him a look like ‘duh’*
Bro: Okay… so what is the constant of mass and energy?
Me: Huh?
Bro: What can’t happen to either one?
Me: OH! They can’t dissolve or disappear
Bro: Right! What are we?
Me: Huh?
Bro: What are humans?
Me: Mass and energy.
Bro: So what happens when we die?
Me: We are repurposed.
Bro: And there you have the scientific
explanation for death and the afterlife.
Me: that was easy !

We’re nerds… I know.
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Peace. Options.

Peace. Options.

I had a really nice weekend. It was filled with entertainment, love and companionship. And the options from the meeting with the Dr. on Friday have left me with much more to contemplate about my health, my future, my progeny.

But, alas – I’m tired and need to sleep to deal with the day ahead of me.

Details tomorrow.

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