Random

I had a slew of dreams last night. None of them very heavy – most of them pretty forgettable but thankfully all of them pretty begnign. Nothing earth-shattering or negative foreboding. I slept pretty well, actually. Minimal waking up in the middle of the night – and I do feel rested for it.

I have so many loose ends to tie up for the wedding at this point. I really need to get a hustle on. I’ve been really good @ work – EINY has been getting their money’s worth. So now I just need to focus a little bit on myself and my freelance.

Time to get serious.

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Interstate

This weekend was pretty quiet. Overcast wherever we went but not necessarily rainy and just quiet overall. We traveled to DC this weekend to witness the marriage of one of Earl’s longtime frat & and friends.

Driving down was cool – we split the ride into 3 parts and I took the 2nd leg (from the end of NJ through to Baltimore). I think Earl probably chose this for me because it was a straight away – no turns. No exits. Just 2 / 3 lanes and a whole lotta speed. I earned my new nickname “Vicky Bobby” cause I was goin fast. Pushin the pedal down and feeling the car grip to the road and just tear it up was a serious rush. I took the same leg back with a little more cargo in the car (another of my baby’s Frat). The iPod was plugged in and I was singing down the highway. It was pretty cool. So: sidestreets? Check! highways? Check! Bridges? Check! Interstates? Check! Now I just need to conquer a tunnel and i’m ready to go anywhere!!!

The wedding was really simple and sincere. It is the first non- christian wedding I ever attended. It was a strange feeling not really knowing the calls and reponses (besides the whole As-Salaam’Alaikum thing – and that’s from being too much of a 70′s kid). But the colorful garb was breathtaking and the sheer sincerity in the words they spoke moved me. They were already genuinely happy and ready to spend the rest of their lives together. I do wish them the very best. Pictures in my gallery, y’all.

On my way to the job piece…

A Girl Like Me

A Girl Like Me

This video really affected me today. The content is disturbing looking at the generations of women that came before me and the ones that came behind… But the CRAZIEST feeling I had was one of hope…

Hope because I’d been tricked by the seizure-inducing, booty shaking, gum popping, pimp-admiring, ho-aspiring, be-the-one-to-suck-the-most-dicks aiming, chicken-noodle-souping female youth that they’ve innundated me with on Urban Radio Stations and BET and U Pick-a-Nigga Network… That perhaps we’d ALL lost our sense of self. Our sense of responsibility to try to understand our situations and better our selves. Hearing girl after girl after girl – not 20 yet – firstly articulate themselves with minimal explitives or “yo’m'shayn’s” AND put together some coshesive, intelligent stream of thought – WOW… they are still out there.

Hallelujah… I guess I shouldn’t give up just yet.

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Feel So Much

Feel So Much

I had a dream last night – seems like my most vivid dreams come when I’ve actually put myself to bed at a decent hour. Anyway – in this dream, I was hanging out with my line sisters, seemed like we had just finished working out and were just laughing and joking with each other after getting showered and dressed. I was sitting there talking to them for a long time when my #5 pointed behind me and I whipped around. The scenery behind me wasn’t one of this locker room, but of my dinette circa 1980 decorated for my Communion party. And there in the corner by the cake table was my #1 and her new baby. I rushed over to her and she offered for me to hold him. I held him and he was beautiful. (And smart too, because he was talking to me). “He is soooo precious,” I said and the baby responded mockingly, “Sooo.. precious… so precious… doesn’t anyone have something original to say???” I shot a look at my #1 and she was like – “The other babies in Florida don’t talk so early so I try to encourage his development as much as I can. I’m SUCH a mom!!” I nodded agreement and enjoyed holding him for a moment more and then turned and handed him to his Godmommy (my #5). I quickly turned back around and raced over to my #1. I locked her in a huge hug without saying anything and was hoping that she could interpret my thoughts. I miss her terribly. I wish we spoke as often. I know that being a new wife and a new mommy has consumed her … but her lack of presence in my life is sorely felt. And in the dream I began to cry. Sob. Blubber. And the tears chased me into my waking life where I laid there on my pillow sobbing. Usually I feel like a real asshole for waking up crying because whatever it was that was making me sad in the dream was probably a fake situation. But in this instance, I laid there and let myself cry a little longer. Cause it does hurt. I just didn’t realize it hurt enough to follow me into my dreams. I let the hot tears run down to my ears for a little while longer before getting up this morning.

Usually crying is cathartic for me. It really wasn’t in this case. It made me aware of all this emotion I’m sitting atop of. I guess I have to figure out what I’m feeling…

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Dreams

Dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was full bellied pregnant and it was my baby shower. It was being held somewhere in Florida (Ft. Lauderdale I think – because the spot looked like my Grandmother’s house down there). I was surrounded by friends – but friends in the dream. I can’t say I truly know who they were in my real life. But they were all very excited for me and the arrival of my new little one.

The dream was full of love and laughter and friendship. I was a happy healthy pregnant woman with nary a care. The only disturbing thing was… where was Earl? Or the presence of any man at all. That only bothered me for a moment before I continued to allow myself to enjoy the moment.

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