My general mood lately

There is a mental state
I strive to achieve
a homeostatic state
a humming a lull
like those alpha wave
tapes they sold in the 60's
I need to hear
that in my head all day.
Instead of the
clanging of my
thoughts
and the
clashing of my
wants
versus
what I should do
need to do
and the sad,
bright violins from "Sunshine"
so melancholy
so consistent
that remind me
how it is
not to have anyone understand