Less than Inspired? Try Describing Your Loved One to Someone Else

Less than Inspired? Try Describing Your Loved One to Someone Else

“He looks very handsome, ” she typed to me.
“He really is… he has this… African King regality to him… and yet he’s an englishman and says things like veh-jet-able instead of vejtuhbull,” I responded typing every word with growing pride.
“He also looks like he’s tall,” she continued
“Well, he’s about my height with shoes but slightly taller than me without. But his presence is dominating. It’s wonderful.”

And I read what I wrote and felt the warmth I feel when I curl myself up into a little ball somewhere under his chin, on his chest and in his arms where he tucks me ever so gently when he holds me.

And it felt… AWESOME.

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Married to Solitude

Married to Solitude

I’m going to ask for help from my married people (if there are any) that read this blog. Because… I’m just confused about stuff.

Exactly… what should one look forward to / expect when embarking upon marriage?

I know it’s a broad question… but I’m trying to assess whether my expectations are too high… not high enough.. unrealistic… or whatever. Because, I’m making myself a little crazy now.

When I was a little girl, it was this big romantic thing. A boy who loved you, loved you SO much that he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without you (and all the wonderful things you do for him or make him feel) in it. So he asks you to marry him; y’all go and profess your love in front of countless friends and relatives and then y’all live together – learn how to be TOGETHER – because you’ve spent enough time being singular. Right? (Feel free to intervene at any time). So, the challenge is how to put these two independant folks together to make A life… (operative here is “A” not “conjoined” or “separate”). Find how to do things together and enjoy each others company and not just be best friends but best friends that live together, eat together, sleep in the same bed, maybe even watch tv or play a board game together.

So… so far – how far off am I? Am I way off the mark?

Because it feels that I’m being trained to do everything on my own. I have always been a pretty independant person. I love my family and friends and their company and love. But if I have to do something for myself, I’m completely willing and able. Would I rather? Not necessarily. I love having company – but I’ve walked home from some obscure places before because I had no other way or gone and done something that was more of a “group” activity on my own because I could find no participants. If I have to be alone… then I will be. And if I’m capable to do it on my own then I will. But if 5 out of 7 times I’m finding that I am doing things for myself… or being left out of things that should maybe be a joint effort…. does it really make sense?

It’s hella expensive to get married and buy a home and make babies… just to NOT spend time with the person who claimed to want to spend life with you.

I am certainly at a crossroads.

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Conquering Fear

Conquering Fear

My first post in a long time. And there is so much to update. But the unifying factor in all of the reports is that time and again… Fear has turned itself in to be exactly what I’ve always know it to be:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real.

Max’s Wedding

As frightened as she was of the the day and the potential for anything failing – to the point where she would vomit regularly and have her nerves (along with her stomach) tied up in knots – The wedding was a smashing success. Everyone had a terrific time. The whole thing went off without a hitch – just classy and flawless and the get down at the end was absolutely packed and needed. The dance floor was buzzing with excitement of which Max and Zeen gleefully took part of. She is now a Mrs. and happy and free. AMEN.

NYS Licensed Driver

It took me 15 years. But I finally went for my dreaded road test. And it was everything that I feared. I never got any practice in (although I’ve been taught how to drive since I was in HS). The proctor was HORRID and MEAN and yelled at me for the majority of the time. I was nervous and made many a percieved mistake. And at the end of it all… 10 minutes later, she awarded me my temporary license. And I realized… I’ll NEVER have to ever do that again. Never. And if I had just realized that at 16… I would have had it then. So i’m official now. My little joke of saying “yes, I know how to drive, but the NYS Dept of Motor Vehicle doesn’t know that I know…” is now defunct. AMEN.

Back to Life

I can now return to the regularly scheduled events that make up my world and my life. Which wholly consist of the continuation of planning my wedding, losing this weight (of which I lost 28 lbs so far), checking in on my health and improving it (checking into Lasix for later this year), looking for a home (which D is helping with tremendously) and recognizing the blessings in my life that are sometimes disguised as challenges or shortcomings.

Amen.

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My general mood lately

My general mood lately

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