Talent Show

Talent Show

Me being a ham – true Libra style… I won 2nd place – Go Lola! Go Lola!

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Need I Say More?

Need I Say More?

I was going to log in and do a detailed hour-by-hour of my time with my Nininne… and then I got this email:

Vicky;

I must tell you, I had the best time ever in a long time I am also very relaxed. It was a pleasure to have you this weekend. It reminded of when your mom & I were young & going around town with realy no fixed ideas where we were going in the street & end up with some great bargain or little places to eat.

And I say if those peoples you are working for are not paying you enough, or don’t appreciate you please search high & low until you find another job. I think you are great. You remind of the old me when I was in programming.

Love you

Nininne

Oh man… that says it all. This weekend was FANTASTIC! And to have an idol tell you that you reminder of herself and one other of your idols (mommy)… You really can’t ask for more.

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Racist

Racist

If I get to sleep by eleven o’clock tonight – i’ll get 5 hours of sleep. I’m hoping that is enough to operate off of. I’m @ the laundromat now and I realize that maybe moving out of this neighborhood won’t be the solution to what I think is my problem. You see, I think I’m a racist. As a matter of fact – i’m sure that I am one and I can’t say that I know how I got to be this way.

The neighborhood that I grew up in was INCREDIBLY diverse. There was every kind of nation represented in the most glorious ways. There was a Haitian, chinese, spanish and english service at my catholic church. Next to my building was a korean christian center for learning. Little Bangladesh was about 10 blocks walking distance – Astoria’s rich Greek heritage was a train stop or two away. Forest Hills was alive with the sounds of the Hebrew and Italian… And I marveled at all the things I could learn. The bodega owner 2 blocks away would be speaking to my dad in creole then switch to the next customer in spanish for their needs then freak a little hindi if need be – and HE was Korean!!! It inspired me then to collect as much as I could from my surroundings. I can write the hindi alphabet (devanagari). I can say “I Love You” in 13 languages. I learned to speak, read and write in Spanish through osmosis (way before I took it in college). This melting pot was a fertile feeding ground for my worldly curiosities.

Fast forward about 10-15 years. There are two services at the church – english. spanish. The old bodega is a bar whose windows are boarded up and there’s some guy sitting way up on a step ladder surveying things (he’s the only one I can see from outside). All signs are written in Spanish first, then in english. There is a taco truck on every other corner. The laundromat i’m in is blasting Salsa and Bachata and all 5 televisions are tuned into DIFFERENT spanish speaking programs. They all do a double take when I address them in their native language. I’m kind of disregarded for knowing english first – and never mind what else I learned…

It just doesn’t matter any more. The diversity. And what’s my response? Wanting to move to an all black neigborhood. *rolls eyes*. HOW IN TARNATIONS DO I THINK THAT’LL BE BETTER??? My people have the most uncanny and amazing ways of totally diasppointing me. Just… To the point of speechlessness. Case in point – our overwhelming obsession with “Flavor of Love”… EVERY black person convo I’ve heard for the last few months has somehow gravitated back to it and lingered for longer than I would ever want to. I wonder how Chuck D feels.

…spinning in a circle…

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Always a Better Day

Always a Better Day

…just around the corner.

Always has to be. I always need to think that way. Because bad stretches of time cannot last forever. There ALWAYS has to be something better on the horizon. I just pray on it.

Last night I gave that advice to a friend / co-worker of mine who lost his phone, might be in trouble with his frat, roomate is bailing on him sooner than he thought and no longer has his laptop computer (he’s a web designer, so equate that to cutting off his arm). And I told him not to despair. That something HUGE and WONDERFUL is right around the corner for him.

Today is a much better day. I’m remaining unflappable. I took a lot of deep breaths today and although my dreams / nightmares last night were saturated with the events of yesterday, I was able to wake up quiet and focused again. I’ll be at work late (again) but I’m hoping all of that is in an effort to clear my weekend and make it so that I can just sit back and relax with good friends, cherished family and a little florida sunshine.

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Can’t Win for Losing

Can’t Win for Losing

Ever wanna give up?

Yeah… that’s where I am right now. I’m ready to relinquish all responsibilities that aren’t rightfully mine to whomever might want them. I’m tired.

If you read right here: Max’s Blog, you’ll understand what I mean. I’m feeling like… I’m working against myself. I don’t feel it’s my place to have this conversation that will probably never happen with Max’s mom. That’s her mom. She should talk with her. She (Max) already started to put me in my place about saying anything off color to her mother. Which to me means… I really shouldn’t be getting in the way of family. I’m just trying to help. But now… it’ll always be this weird ickyness everytime I step in to do anything. So at this point if what I’m doing doesn’t seem like help…

I’m really at a loss folks. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. I didn’t sleep this weekend. It’s 11:34PM and I’m still at work… I have a shitload of freelance to do to pay for my own wedding and now I have static.

I won’t cry. I swear I won’t do it.

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