Unfamiliar territory

Unfamiliar territory

I had an interesting convo with my dad last night before I went to sleep. It went like this:

Daddy: Here is the phone, Kiki… I’m going to sleep.
Me: Okay daddy, rest well. See you tomorrow, God willing
Daddy: Aren’t you going to sleep soon?
Me: Me? I can’t sleep really anymore.
Daddy: What are you up doing?
Me: Working, really.
Daddy: Do you like your job?
Me: Not really.
Daddy: Well, you have to, don’t you?
Me: I hope not. I’m hoping to get out.
Daddy: Good luck with that, Kiki.
Me: Thanks… Pray for me. I know that you already do.
Daddy: Every day. I love you. Good night.

What’s significant about that conversation? First unsolicited, unforced “I love you” from my dad to me. Here I am at 30 marveling at that for the first time. I guess no matter how old you get… it can’t ever NOT feel fantastic. No matter what, that’s my daddy. And I’m most definitely his little girl. I remember him sitting at the piano playing the Wedding march and I would walk-step-together from the hallway by my room into the living room and we’d sit on the piano bench and day dream about the day that he’d walk me down the aisle. Closer today to that dream than ever. I just hope to not run out of time.

My baby, my brother, My sis, Tamara (our wedding planner) and I drove out to the watermill today to look at the place while they had a bridal expo. It was pretty cool. Of course, seeing it the second time brought up more doubts in my mind, but the food was off the chain. And I saw a LOT of floral arrangements that I really liked. I’ll post pics shortly.

Other than that, today was pretty quiet. Nothing super duper spectacular happening aside from breathing, blinking, moving and living, which in and of itself – pretty darned amazing. I referred to my baby as “my husband” to a total stranger. I smiled when the censor that used to slam down on my thought didn’t have to. “It’s okay to call him that… He’s GOING to be!!!” My heart leapt. It was an excellent feeling. He turned to me so many times tonight with this excited grin on his face and said, “Baby… we’re getting married!!” *sigh* I must have done something really amazing to deserve this. I hope I remember times like this when he’s driving me insane!!! *giggle*

I might turn in early tonight. No need to torture myself with silence.

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The Power of "Sorry"

The Power of “Sorry”

It’s a single word with just two syllables, but manages to placate the most ranging anger. I was sitting on the train today, just minding my business and focusing on the dullness of the sky… when this woman came on to the train. I was sitting on the corner / final seat of the row (which I like because the worst case is that I’ll only be smushed from one side if it gets crowded. She walked on to the train and made a sharp turn to sit in the empty seat next to me. In the process of sitting down and getting comfy… she kicked me in the ankle, turned around, looked me RIGHT in the eye and went about her business. Got dayumit. All she had to do was say “sorry”. Would have taken NO time at all and would have made me feel validated. She knew she kicked me, she was acknowledging it and also saying that she didn’t MEAN to hurt me. But by looking me right in the face and not saying a WORD to me means she just didn’t care how I felt about it. So I ended up sitting there, stewing mad at the rudeness of people. Until I fell asleep and just forgot about it… I’m not saying say “sorry” for everything. But if you’ve hurt someone… and really didn’t MEAN to… say something. *shrugs* off my soap box.

Bizarre

Bizarre

I had the strangest night. I didn’t get to bed till 3:30 AM working on my chapter’s directory until I couldn’t see straight anymore. And expected to be honked awake by my alarm at 7:30 as always. But I woke up so many times in between thinking my night of sleep was over. The night went on for EVER and I had Epic style storyline dreams (which I can’t remember nary a detail now… but they were quite extensive). At 6:30 AM, I opened the window, put my fan in and opened my bedroom door. Thinking to myself… I’ll force sleep through this last hour and then get up for work. I may even wake up early, I thought. Then, I opened my eyes and it was 8:30. And here I am… half dressed, blogging so I don’t forget and rushing to get to work. That’s life, ain’t it? Only when you think you don’t need it, you find time everywhere. And once found… squandered.

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