WOW

I’ve been reading a lot lately… and this was sent to me by my dear Max..

Testicle torn off by ex-lover

Press Association

Wednesday January 12, 2005

The Guardian

A jilted woman admitted ripping off her ex-lover’s testicle with her hands after he refused to have sex with her.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her former boyfriend, Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: “That’s yours.”

Wow guys… better come up off the dilz.

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Relationship Cues

Relationship Cues

From AOL:

10 Ways to Charm a man…

1. Know the league rules. Want to make a guy’s jaw drop? Give him your blow-by-blow of the Arsenal/Man U showdown. Earn him a few quid on your World Cup predictions, and he’ll propose to you faster than David Beckham’s latest Lamborghini.

2. Lose the coasters. These little frisbee things are the bane of a guy’s existence

3. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they’re stupid — especially if they’re stupid — a guy’s jokes are an irreplaceable token of his manhood.

4. Share the wealth. Speaking of his friends, if you follow all the tips listed here, they’re going to be very jealous that the two of you are an item — so coax out your single female pals every now and then and let everyone mingle. If nothing else, it’s good karma.

5. Let him get lost. No, don’t throw him out of the house. The next time you’re out driving, and your boyfriend refuses to ask for directions, cut him some slack. Losing his way on the M5 is the closest he may ever get to the adrenaline thrill of skiing the Alps.

6. Flatter his ego. Whenever your boyfriend tells his latest tiresome tale about slaying some work-related ogre — or starts wondering whether, deep down, he’s really suited for life as an epic poet — just tell him he’s terrific and you believe in him 100 percent. Even if you don’t.

7. Know when to stay home. No guy will come right out and say it — at least, no guy who wants to keep all his body parts — so if you pay extra-careful attention to your boyfriend’s mood, you’ll know when he wants to spend a night out with the gang by himself.

8. Buy a round. If you do happen to be out with the gang, buying the next pitcher — or, better yet, turning everyone on to the kind of fancy drink (like Cosmopolitans) that only girls seem to know about — will instantly establish your cool-chick credentials.

9. Wear a baseball cap. You know how naturalists, when they want to infiltrate a pack of hyenas, dress in fur pelts? Not only will a baseball cap make you look sexy — especially if you wear it backward — but it’ll do a lot to increase your boyfriend’s comfort level.

10. Don’t sweat the small stuff. The list is too extensive to include here, but are loose toenail clippings, unwashed towels, and torn jeans really worth a full-blown argument? Go with the flow, and you’ll be surprised how often your boyfriend cleans up his dirty habits all by himself.

Soooo………

I gotta be a man… to charm a man? EEEK. The things they teach folks these days

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Reflection

Reflection

“You look in the mirror… you don’t like what you see? Don’t believe it. Look in my eyes. I’m the only mirror you’re ever gonna need” – The Cooler.

It’s amazing what we as human beings can do for each other’s self esteem. Something that you hate about yourself or dislike a LOT… Someone else can take a look at and glorify it… and it just … adjusts how we personally ALWAYS looked at it. Sometimes it’s lasting. Sometimes that feeling flees with the person if they exit your life. It’s all in the eye of the beholder, as they’ve always said. But the beholder passes their perspective on to you. Somehow pending on who the beholder is…the perception of yourself can be altered. And maybe it takes someone else to open your eyes to your own possibilities and beauty. Funny… I used to hate my legs, my feet… my skin… All parts of me that I like quite a bit now. And just in the same vein… I used to love my eyes, my neck and my fingers. I guess I had to trade things out.

This weekend was so productive for me. I was unusually focused. I just hope I can keep up with the pace I set for myself this weekend . I gotta keep it together if I’m trying to make this my year.

More tomorrow… if I don’t turn in… I won’t wake up on time for slave labor in the morning…

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For Granted

For Granted

We do take a lot of things for granted in life. Things that other people would kill to have… we have at our disposal and don’t have much regard for. Tonight, my baby called me and told me that an associate of his committed suicide last night. He was 82. How do you get to that age… and then decide you want to end it all??? That’s completely irrational to me. And then I couldn’t help but get a little upset. Grandma died at 82. What she would have given to have THE CHOICE. And he was virile… moving about and had a family around him… What a perfect waste. I was disheartened when he told me and just very sad. I’ll never know what was going through his mind that made him think it would be okay for his wife to find him hanging from the ceiling later on that day. I can only assume it had to be big enough to cloud all his judgement in that moment. Either way… I pray for God to have mercy on his soul.

I’ve been becoming quietly aware of how long it’s been since I had a cigarette. I guess as the nights drag on and I can’t seem to get to bed, I keep thinking they would help. But I’m trying very hard to stand without them. *sigh* I keep trying to remember the day we went to Kev’s birthday party at a cigar bar… and how I’ve been sick ever since. And that deters me from having any desire to buy a whole pack. Got a prayer going up for a little more willpower. It would suck really bad to fall from here.

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Recoil

Recoil

Ever see something from really far away and it was so beautiful and intriguing and demanding of your attention that it drew you closer and closer so you could get a better look at it? So you could understand the beauty of it a little more intimately. But… you get right up on it… and it’s not as beautiful as you thought? And, as a matter of fact, as you study it… you realize… it’s pretty darned ugly and a little repugnant? And you feel a disapointed because 1) you really were hoping to get to know something truly beautiful; 2) you were tricked into believing one thing… when indeed, something else was afoot. Ever have that beautiful thing be a person? Just a generally interesting person from that safe distance of unfamiliarity. Generally good hearted, law abiding, god fearing, trying to do right kind of person. But as you board the tram towards the center of that person’s personality and breach their outer defenses and they reveal more and more who they truly are and what they’re really thinking… the ride goes from being bright and sunny with pretty ambient music…to being a little dark and dank… gloomy… and sometimes… borderline frightening. Maybe even to the point where you want to say “Okay… I want off now, please… I don’t like this ride anymore. This isn’t what I’d expected.” But in real life, you can’t in all consciousness say to someone, “This has been fun, but you’re not the person I thought you were… so… okay… nice knowing you.” So how do you handle that? How do you deal with those feelings that are begging you to step back? That want for you to push away from that person indefinitely: until you can handle what they were attempting to show you or you honestly aren’t affected by what their inner someone is.

Here’s the noodle baker…

What if that person is you?

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