Perimeter

Perimeter

4tress

200411300934

Need vs. Greed

Need vs. Greed

Allow me to pontificate. Upon giving thanks this year, I took a long hard look at how we evaluate what we find ourselves thankful for certain things… and how we come about deeming those things worthy of thanks. Seems that the things we are thankful for are the things we need that if we didn’t miraculously have, we’d be at a certain loss in life with out them. Sometimes detrimental. And other items have a level of greed attached to them in the guise of being a need. Basic Psychological texts will tell you that Humans have 5 basic physical needs, the likes of which, without them, we’d surely die or develop poorly. They are: Food, Water, Shelter, Clothing and Sex (or Affection). To take it one step further, Abraham Maslow, a cognitive psychologist, identified that there are 5 basic psychological human needs in order to achieve a state called “Self Actualization” which in his theory is the way a human reaches the pinnacle of who they are meant to become. It is the point at which someone may consider themslves to have reached the Integrity stage of Ego Integrity vs. Despair (as per Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages). So Maslow breaks it down like this: There is a needs pyramid (imagine a food pyramid), where if a need is satisfied, it no longer motivates the human and the next higher need takes its place (already putting us in a position of constant need).

At the base of the pyramid we have Psychological Needs which encompass Air, Water, Food and Sleep. Higher needs are not noticed or fulfilled till the basic needs for survival are met. Next level up we have Safety Needs: living in a safe arena, job security, financial reserves, etc. This level needs to be fufilled to remove the feeling of being threatened physically or emotionally. Next and center level from that is Social Needs level. Friendships, group belongings and the need to give and recieve love make themselves apparant here. At the next level (which if you ask me looks like all these needs come from the previous level) is the Esteem Need: need for respect, need for achievements to be recognized, need for attention, need for a certain kind of reputation. Which brings us finally to Self Actualization… the level at which the only needs to be filled are the need for truty, wisdom, justice and meaning.

All of this to say, where does the need to hoard anything come from? Is it the lack of being able to fulfill one need that translates into having to get as much of something that you CAN get your hands on in order to compensate. If the basic NEED for food is reached and one (according to the needs pyramid) can then attend to higher and more pressing needs, then why is anyone fat? Why are there people that sleep too much? Why are there women with 300 pairs of shoes? Why are there people with 4 or 5 lovers? Why are there people with bajillions of dollars? If needs are being met at one level… why aren’t people moving on to the next level? These needs are based on what keeps a human motivated… maybe some are stagnant and cannot move forward, and would like to keep themselves in the illusion of having much… but it’s only much of one kind of thing.

Yet and still… we say THANKS for things like… a new car (when the old one may have been running fine), bags and bags of clothes that we’ve outgrown or never use but take up real estate in our homes. Thanks for clear skin… Thanks for a new MP3 player… taking a quiet mental inventory of all the things we have… but maybe didn’t need.

So… Thank you God for the ability to breathe. Thanks for the food that was on my plate, although excessive… it fulfilled that need. Thanks for the opportunity to lay and sleep through the night. Thanks for the somewhat clear almost unadulterated water that they sell in bottles that I can drink. I’m grateful to not get rained on tonight when it starts, but this apartment is a 1000 times BETTER than a cardboard box… so I’m moreso thankful.

It’s a good exercise to look at the things that you have because you NEED THEM… and the ones u do because they’re just nice to have or you just like to have them. It gives deeper insight into who you are… and where you’re going (if anywhere at all).

Off to fulfill a basic need… sleep.

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Wounded

Wounded

I’m beginning to think that when I’m in a state of ruin or hurt, I really don’t see anything else around me too clearly. That somehow, I endup alienating or picking fights with the folks around me. That would be one hell of an admission to make, being that I’m outing myself as having been a bitch for the last couple of days. But I’m not saying that my bitchiness was unwarranted. It was this snowball of emotions that started with one small occurrence and randomly, certain folks kept adding on top of it to make it worse. When I couldn’t handle it anymore, I rolled it down the street and let it crush anyone who was in it’s path.

I think I picked a fight with my baby last night, but I don’t think that I had no reason to be upset. Disappointment was definitely in order. But I may have handled it badly. But as hurt as I had been feeling for days at the mercy of others, I didn’t know how else to handle pain than to just lock myself up in my tower and cry myself to sleep. I pushed everyone away, because I couldn’t stand to have anyone be close anymore. At least, not for the night. The only person I didn’t release the snark on was Max. She hung out with me yesterday despite anything. And even though yesterday was my opportunity to take her out on the town and spoil her, she made the day safe for me. I was with a friend I could trust not to hurt me. And she was fantastic. She stayed with me through to the bitter end, even though she was tired and her feet hurt and the bags were heavy. Thanks Max.

I just got off the phone with my baby. He’s such a rational guy. We worked it out. I started off by saying “I’m sorry….” and he took the reigns from there. Explaining what happened and where we went wrong and why we’re both due for an apology and how we can keep from being in that situation again. He’s really good. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. *sigh*

Although I didn’t mention it appropriately on the day that it mattered… I do have so much to be thankful for. A loving family, true friends, a sincere love… blessings abound. I’m of sound mind (most of the time) and sound body (some of the time) – gainfully employed, moderately talented, wildly resourceful. I love this world, even though it doesn’t love me back… and I try to take care of as many folks on it as I can get a handle on. I don’t do it for anything in return, except for maybe the karma of someone turning to help when I’m in need. It’s hard to feed something or someone your love and not get anything back. But it is the nature of this beast. Looking for treasures gets u hurt.

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Resisting Mutation

Resisting Mutation

Strangely enough in my recent status, I’m in my seriously anti-marriage / anti-married people state. Married folks confuse me. I was saying to Blink today that I don’t have one couple that I can seriously call my exemplary couple. Everyone that was exemplary to me at once ended up separating or I found out they were lying about being so happy. Seems to me that every single last one of the married people I know are down right miserable. And I sit and think to myself, what would be the thing that drives me and my baby to hate each other on a regular basis? What would be that one aching sore that would constantly pus and burst from the slightest look or illtoned word. Maybe I already know what it is. Maybe it’s already festering and boiling…

B suggested that maybe my parents are my guide. But my worst nightmare is to end up like my mom. In a transient love… where he’s great one day and for 3 or 4 months he cares for friends more. Where he’ll take some other woman’s kids out to the park while our kids fester in a locked up apartment while I work 2 jobs to support everyone. Where he makes me wait on him hand and foot, but shoves me aside to take care of his own needs before mine. To be repulsed by him so much that I spend mornings pinching and hitting him because i despise him so much. To wear a wedding band on my finger that I had to buy because he was too cheap to EVER buy one for me and never bothered to rectify that even when it CRACKED IN HALF AND CUT MY FINGER EVERY DAY. Who enslaves me for 35 years to never have friends around me because it made HIM feel insecure. Who ruined my son’s self esteem by never uplifting him and made my daughter feel like he was never approachable enough to include in her daily life. Who made me wonder what i did so wrong that I deserved THIS for my life.

No… that’s not my model. There must be something better waiting down the road for me and my baby. I have to MAKE it so.

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Bitter

Bitter

FUCK THE MARRIED CLUB. Fuck the married-elitist-”I-have-a-family-and-you-don’t-so-that-makes-us-better” Club. I’m sick of friends marrying off and then shucking off the life they had. Just slithering out of the previous skin and moving on; leaving friends behind because of their status or lack thereof. I have lost SO MANY FRIENDS on account of the fact that they have families and I don’t. And it’s not like I don’t TRY to be in their lives. I try so much harder because I know it’s difficult for them to reach back, because of all the things that engulf their lives. And I promise every time, not to be one of those friends who let’s them go by the wayside or poo-poo them because they don’t have time to party and chill and hang out and do “single” people things.

I’ve always been the kind of person to stop in if I’m in the neighborhood… or when I’m doing something on my own or with others, to just randomly invite folks on GP. I always try to stay a part of people’s lives… but there is only so much reaching I can do before it’s futile. My heart is so hurt right now because I’ve just lost (or maybe just realized) that I lost another. But what can I do? Fight? Scream? Yell? Pitch a Fit? None of the above. It’s all the equivalent of spitting in the wind. Because it means nothing.

So I say FUCK IT.

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