Beautifully Human

Beautifully Human

Yo… I’m sitting here listening to a preview of Jill’s new album… and I’m INSTANTLY in love with it. She hasn’t lost her touch at all. And so perfectly embodies so many thoughts and feelings so effortlessly. She does it with the savvy of a mother where as Maxwell does it with the stupor of someone in love. He doesn’t always make sense if you put it on paper… but when he sings it, you heart understands. Jill just says it straight… things that sometimes we may be afraid to voice but we’re glad when she decides to put it into words for us. In one song she has me singing about past loves… in the next she has me serenading my baby. It’s crazed the dicotomy she can span. But I’m glad that she does. I realize that the feeling from songs of the past… were evoked by the songs themselves and I just tied in the moment to those songs. Her songs today are making me feel like I did in 2000 and 2001. But I’m not mentally, physically or emotionally there anymore. But the feelings are there. The good, alive spirited feelings. Nice to know I can feel that way again.

I spoke to Sug yesterday. I squealed when I recognized who was calling me. I miss her already. But she has ascended off to school. She loves it, and I think she may have met her match with folks who can party harder than she can. LMAO! I’m comforted to know that she’s alright, though. I was worried. But everything fell into place right in time for her to go. Just like the Lord had planned. I’m glad she’s away from the day to day craziness here.

My girl Max is going through it right now. She lost her cousin to the stupidity and single track mindedness of our people lately. Lick shots and bling bling. He was shot in the foot by another black man who had beef. It’s unclear if the beef was even with her cousin. But I guess now… it may not even matter. He’s passed on and now she’s condemned to having to mourn with her family. I know all things have meaning and some things are harder than others to derive meaning from. But I hope that Max sees the meaning sooner than later. She just got to being happy again and not so troubled with the end of life.

*

Not even a title for this post. It’s been quite some time since I did post. And of course, in my usual fashion, I’ve forgotten half the stuff that happened this week. I do remember it being stressful, having had the last straw with my parttimer at work and just kicking my ethic into overdrive. I feel that if I have anymore brainstorming sessions, I’ll have a drought up there soon. Everything is a new thinktank of ideas and I feel like I’m the only one carting ideas into the meeting. So work has been sincerely working me.

Preparations all week were taking place for the White Linen Party which finally happened yesterday (more on that later) and scrambling for cash on my part has, once again, brought to light how much backing I really have. Thank the Lord I have people who are willing to look out for me in my times of need. I hope that is a result of my friendships and allegieances and not coincedence. Although I didn’t get to have my dress made or anything, I did end up looking alright, despite my mutant glasses *sigh* Which is another story that I’ll get to. (I have a lot to catch up on.

The party itself, I feel was great. People really went out of their way. Firstly, they drove 2, maybe 2 and 1/2 hours out of their way to get to the house. They ALL wore outits of white. Every last person. And they all stayed late, until the atmosphere got a little unfavorable, but that is another story. It warmed my heart to know that folks were willing to do so much – and yeah… maybe for some it was to be able to say “they spent a weekend in the Hamptons” but mostly, for them to enjoy good company (and great food) with old friends. It felt really good. I count this blessing – my friends.

There is so much more to tell, but pictures say a thousand words. Until I come up with more of my own: The white Linen Affair

*

Ascencion

Ascension

Outside of being a pretty stressed out day, I got an opportunity to spend a few moments with my sweet best friend Sug, on this the eve of her departure to a new life, a new beginning and exciting times. She was glowing and so ready to go… I’m so proud I don’t have words. I didn’t really get into a full on cry. I felt the tears coming… but as usual, my defense mechs shut it down. I just pray that when she comes back, we’re not so narrowminded that she can’t be with us.

More tomorrow. I’m tuckered out.

*

Deuil

Deuil

This weekend started for me on Friday. I woke up and my eye was acting conjunctivitis-ish. But it calmed down for the day and I was at work. Learning much at the hands of Mr. K.Deeezay. He’s really so very smart. I wonder if I’m going to learn everything I need to before he breaks the fuck out one day. Then in the afternoon, my baby comes to pick me up at work… and I turn to him at one point and ask him what he wants to do that evening with me. And he turned and gave me those Sad Sam eyes and said… “Didn’t you plan anything for Date Night?” I didn’t. I had forgotten. Because all I knew was that I was staying with him for the weekend. That idea took over the fact that I was supposed to do something innovative and exciting with my baby. He gave me a lecture. Not really that kind of lecture. But we sat in the car for about 20 minutes as he explained to me the metamorphosis that he underwent to make sure that he became the man that I wanted him to be. The man that I needed him to be in order for me to stay. And that was his idea behind Date night. To keep that spark. “One day, for date night, we’ll bring the kids… we’ll always do this. We’ll always set aside time for each other.” That touched me to the core. This man really wants me around for life. And I truly believe him. It’s the first time in a long time that I let myself settle into believing anyone whole heartedly. But he’s proven his quality over and over. After our talk, I took him to Deborah’s for the first time and introduced him to the crew. It felt good. Then we went back to his house where we watched cartoons and fell asleep. At around 4 am, my love woke me up and I didn’t get back to sleep till about 7. And I don’t remember being impatient at all, like normally. I savored every moment. *sigh* I love his new mattress. It doesn’t give me back pain which is WONDERFUL! Plus it’s quiet *giggle*

When I did wake up at 7, I did awake to an eye that was glued shut and swollen and very much in pain. My baby whisked me back home and my brother came over and took place as my guide, while my baby went to practice. I called my eye doctor, he called in a prescription, but because I didn’t have my whole new insurance card situation straightened out, I had to pay full price, which at that point, I was totally ready to do and did because my pain didn’t let me feel otherwise. Of course I got home and found my new insurance card *ack* And spent the rest of the day and night medicating. Woke up a few times during the night to medicate but overall a really well rested evening. Mad that the stupid eye ruined a perfectly dreamy weekend in the making.

Today started out at 6:30 AM. August 8, 2004 marks the end of Deuil… French for Mourning. In Haiti, deuil (pronounced duy-ie) is a 3 year process. Today marks 3 years since we lost Grandma. Mom and Dad requested a mass be said in her name today at St. Bartholomew’s Chapel. I dressed in Black, but not for mourning. It’s just what I had planned to wear. I called my baby in the morning to give him an opportunity to join us for the service. But he was so groggy from the night before’s celebrations he didn’t feel up to it. So I went with the family. At the church, so much more family was there. All of grandma’s children, except for my aunt and all the grand children except for 2. Then we went to the cemetary and stared at her plot, prayed in front of it and then came back here to eat Haitian Pate and expresso. My baby met us here, because he did awake and realize that he should have been here. Then it was just a day of lounging out and watching tv.

The 4400 is a mini-series on the USA Network that took up most of my day watching it with my brother as he twitchingly flipped channels in between commercial breaks. And now it’s over. And he’s getting ready to go home… and I will be going to bed soon. The eye is almost back to normal, although I have an appt with my Dr. tomorrow at 12:00 noon to make sure. But I’m awefully exhausted from the weekend and the infection has taken it’s toll on my system.

Max’s blog is a trip today. She’s such a nut. And now I’m off to bed

*

A Sense of the old

A Sense of the old

Today I seemed to dwell on what things used to be like and is it me who is different now, or is it the acutal things that are different. My baby and I were talking on the way home and saying how we remember how Twinkies used to be when we were kids. Thee was something distinctive about the sweetness of the cake and how you could feel and taste little granules of sugar in the filling. But now it’s all artificial tasting… the cake isn’t quite as moist and wonderful. Could it be my taste buds or has the actual product changed? It’s hard to tell. I got home tonight and an old movie I used to be FIXATED (I cannot mean that more) on was on (it’s actually still on as I’m typing this). The Boy Who Could Fly. And I’m figuring I had to be REALLY young to find this interesting. None the less, with all of the obvious just dumb stuff in it, I’m still watching. Cause there’s a 12 or 13 year old sitting in my heart just loving this up. Is it me who’s gotten too old and too cool to admit to having watched this movie? Or was it always corny? I guess I’ll never really know. There will be a whole generation of kids who grow up thinking that polymanufactured crap they call twinkies is the best thing the world. *shrugs*

Again… it’s all perception.

*