I haven’t written in a while. If I’m being honest, I haven’t truly written the contents of my heart for about 20 years.
Yes I logged in to chronicle what I was experiencing and how life was changing me. And I’m grateful that I did that. What a glorious legacy to look back on. Great reminders that problems aren’t really real. They feel like the end-all / be-all in the moment but to look back on what I thought would destroy me all these years later is a real testament to human resilience. But there was always a veil over the complete truth. I’m pulling that back finally.
I turned 50 on 10/1 in 2024. Half a century of life lived. At this point I have more years behind me than before me. Things have to be different now because I deserve them to be. I’ll be doing quite a bit of unpacking the next foreseeable months. I’ve been in my own head too long and that’s no way for ME to be.
I am separated from E and I moved out at the top of February 2025. Lots of details there but to say that neither one of us was growing or thriving in the time we insisted on forcing this relationship is an understatement. And again… less years ahead. Quality is paramount.
Starting from experience is what I’m choosing to say rather than “starting from scratch”. Beginning anew at 50 is a little scary, but I can do it. I’m excited for what it will mean to me in the coming months and years. I’m excited to get to know myself again.
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