Worthiness Accounting

Categories: aspirations, esteem, really? nothing, thinking too much

I would have hoped that at this point in life, I would have eased up on this algebra.

My birthday is in a few weeks.   Luckily, thanks to my Sands Ronnie, I’m taking a week to head out to Vegas and just… be.  And I’m looking forward to it.  A gift to myself. A gift of her time and attention to spend with me when she could literally do anything else.

Tonight, my cousin-in-love introduced me to a new perfume.   Bond No. 9 Nolita.  It smells heavenly.   It was gifted to her by someone she may never meet again.  For NO reason other than that she’s beautiful and smart and he’s enthralled with her (albeit he’s married).  It’s a $500 bottle of perfume.

I immediately started the calculations.  Of COURSE, I can buy it for myself.  But who do I think I could ask for that… at a big 48 years old – that wouldn’t bat an eye at the prospect?  Who thinks I’m worth it?  Who would make it happen and not feel encumbered by it?  Who would not look for anything “additional” back from me because I asked for it.  Cause it’s not transactional.  It’s just… an appreciation of me and who I am in their lives and oh yeah… Happy Birthday, Beloved.  And maybe even… “Put some on… I want to experience how it smells on you….” and inhale deeply… smiling…

Goose egg.  Asking for MUCH.

It’s easier for me to buy it for myself.

These numbers still hurt.



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